Good for a Laugh

[tequila girl]

***Groan*** :hilarious: :hilarious: :hilarious:

[MikeA]

Double GROAN!

[TimothyBFan]

:hilarious: I groaned but had to laugh also.


Talking Centipede


A
single guy decided life would be more fun
if
he had a pet.



So he
went to the pet store
and
told the owner
that
he wanted to buy an unusual pet.



After
some discussion,
he
finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged
bug),
which
came in a little white box
to
use for his house.



He
took the box back home,
found
a good spot for the box,
and
decided he would start off
by
taking his new pet
to
synagogue with him.



So he
asked the centipede in the box,
"Would
you like to go
to
synagogue with me today?
We
will have a good time."



But
there was no answer
from
his new pet.



This
bothered him a bit,
but
he waited a few minutes
and
then asked again,
"How about
going
to
synagogue with me
and
receive blessings?"



But
again,
there
was no answer
from
his new friend and pet.
So
he waited
a
few minutes more,
thinking
about the situation.



The
guy decided
to
invite the centipede
one
last time.



This
time
he
put his face up against
the
centipede's house and shouted,
"Hey, in
there!
Would
you like to go
to
synagogue with me
and
learn about God?"
....
This
time,
a
little voice
came
out of the box,
"I
heard you the first freaking time!

I'm putting my shoes on!"

[tequila girl]

Hahahaha Love it!!! :hilarious: :hilarious: :hilarious:

[Koala]

Like the last ones!



Tom wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Tom looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Tom asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Tom asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - Priceless

[WalshFan88]

:rofl:

[Annabel]

Just got this by email from a friend in Ireland and had to share. ;)


The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..

They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed

In rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched

By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,

And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy

To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
Sensitive side.

But doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and,

After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,

More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her,


Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:


'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

[WalshFan88]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

LMAO! That's the best one I've heard in a while! :hilarious:

[Mrs Frey]

Like the last ones!



Tom wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Tom looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Tom asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Tom asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - Priceless

:lol: :lol: :lol:

That is SO sweet!

[Mrs Frey]

Annabel, regarding your joke, the jury's still out on that one! :wink: :lol:

[MikeA]

Those last two "stories" passed my test. The "test"? That is when the punch line catches completely by surprise. I had several "endings" for both of those, and didn't even come close on either!

[GlennLover]

Good ones! :rofl:

[Koala]

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, `You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I`ll give you each a dollar if you`ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.`

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. `This recession`s really putting a big dent in my income,` he told them. `From now on, I`ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.`

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

`Look,` he said, `I haven`t received my Social Security check yet, so I`m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?`

`A freakin` quarter?` the drum leader exclaimed. `If you think we`re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you`re nuts! No way, dude. We quit!` And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

[MikeA]

:band: lol

[tequila girl]

MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN !!




On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

'I'm too young to die,' she wails.

Then she yells, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth
to be memorable!

Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.

They all stare, eyes riveted, at this desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a cowboy from Australia stands up in the rear of the plane.

He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one
button at a time.

No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps.



He whispers . . .

'Iron this. Then get me a beer'.

[WalshFan88]

LOL that's so bad TG! :laugh:

But I can't lie - I did laugh! :rofl:

[Annabel]

:rofl: :hilarious: :thumbsup:

[Koala]

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said,
"Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."

[MikeA]

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN
LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.





NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.




SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..




THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.


Wait for it! Wait!

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.





THIS IS DONE BY THE

CHIP MONKS.

[tequila girl]

That one deserves a :hilarious: and a :roll: Mike

[tequila girl]

I hope this is not too offensive.....please feel free to remove if it is


Seven Kinds Of Sex ...


The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet
someone and you both have sex until you are
blue in the face.


The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for
a short time and you are so needy you will have
Sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.


The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a
long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you
usually have sex only in your bedroom.


The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too
long. When you pass each other in the hallway you
both say ... ' F**k You. '


The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the
afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)



The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he
takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.


And ... Last ... But not least ...

The 7th kind of sex is called ... Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.



PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME
WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.

I have enough problems of my own !!!

[Brooke]

Got this in an email today.


National Girlfriend and Sister's Week
I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use, and the friends I have.
To the cool women who have touched my life. Here's to you!

National Girlfriends Day


It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don 't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don 't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

:lol:

[WalshFan88]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[tequila girl]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.


The waitress asks them for their orders.


The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"


"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.


A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.


The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man


says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."


The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."


Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.


This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.


"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.


"Same," says the ostrich.


Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."


Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.


The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"


"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."


"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"


"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.


The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big bum and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

[tequila girl]

This one was sent to me by email..........The reference to the Texan is purely coincidental! 8)

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that
her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.


Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'


The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Good one, tg! :thumbsup:

[MikeA]

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...why don't we
just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has
worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a
courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not
Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers,
judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.

LAWYERS
This is nuts!

This place in Charlotte, North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued - and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA .....

NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS WE'RE NUTS

[tequila girl]

As You say Mike.......Only in America! :hilarious: :hilarious:

[Brooke]

Good grief! :lol:

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Wow Mike - that is some post. What a sad state of affairs we are in. I actually saw the first part coming because my first reaction was "what stupid insurance company would insure cigars against fire?"

But the part about the arson charge took me by complete surprise. But, as we often like to say around here "you get what you give"! :roll:

[MikeA]

This one is a "not so funny" but has some rather revealing observations in it.

OLD FARTS

Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the Star Spangled Banner. Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.

Old Farts remember the history of World War II, Pearl Harbor,Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not to mention Vietnam .

If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.

Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

I didn't realize how true that last one was until I think about my experiences in Las Vegas last week! I encountered about the rudest people I've had the unpleasure of coming into contact with last week!

Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.

Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.

It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politician's, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

We need them now more than ever.

Thank God for Old Farts!

I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them

[Ive always been a dreamer]

:thumbsup: Love It!

I'll take an "Old Fart" over a member of the "Me" generation any day of the week!!!

[sodascouts]

Hmm, I think it takes more than age to make an "Old Fart"! There are younger people that still care about such things, and older people that are quite unpleasant. "GET OFF MY LAWN!" lol

[MikeA]

You are right Soda, generalities are chancy. But from experience last week, it was mostly the older people who "gave way" in the crowded open area on Fremont while younger folks mostly ignored everyone around them. If you were heading for a door and someone was in front of you, if they were older, you could expect that they would pause and look over their shoulder before releasing the door and for the most part, would stand there holding the door if a lady was approaching the entry.

Last week wasn't the first time I'd noticed this in Vegas but it was much more obvious because of the huge influx of tourists in town for the NASCAR race. These people were on the average, "younger" and though nice people for the most part, they were much more concerned about their own objectives than they were in being "polite" in the same way I was taught.

I think that maybe those "nicities" that I was brought up to honor are just not emphasized as much these days. Or maybe I'm just an Old Fart <smile>

[MikeA]

I know how he feels:



The Wise Old Fisherman

The Wise Fisherman: A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket. The frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

[TimothyBFan]

:rofl:

[Annabel]

:hilarious: :hilarious: :hilarious:

[MikeA]

If y'all get tired of all these "Senior" anecdotes just let me know:

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure
out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box,
it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............


"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[MikeA]

And here's one that isn't "Senile Humor"

https://www.eaglesonlinecentral.com/forum/picture.php?albumid=14&pictureid=913

[Annabel]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

and the 2nd one is the meter on my wallet.:roll:

[Annabel]

Here's a quick joke for you.

A bloke on a tractor has just driven past shouting "The end of the word is nigh!!!".................. I think it was Farmer Geddon

[tequila girl]

LOL Melanie, I just almost splattered my screen with coffee!! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Annabel]

:ack: Oops sorry ladies. :lol: ;) You can blame my cousin for that one. I borrowed it from my craft forum after she posted it there. :D

[MikeA]

I had to read that one twice before it sunk in. Now all I can think about is ole Die Hard driving a tractor (Bruce Willis).

[Annabel]

I answered my door earlier to find a policeman standing there.

He said "Excuse me sir, can you confirm that this is a picture of your
wife?".

" Yes that's my wife.".

"'I'm sorry to tell you this, but it looks as though she's been in a
car accident."

"'I know it does but she's got a lovely personality."

[WalshFan88]

I answered my door earlier to find a policeman standing there.

He said "Excuse me sir, can you confirm that this is a picture of your
wife?".

" Yes that's my wife.".

"'I'm sorry to tell you this, but it looks as though she's been in a
car accident."

"'I know it does but she's got a lovely personality."



So bad!






:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:

[EaglesFanatic]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlLzAWUY6Xo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3z4eCKO95E

Gotta love Will Ferrel.

[MikeA]

Grandmas: from the mouths of babes!

A Grandmother out walking with her Grandson.

He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.

'Why' my Grandson asked. "Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied.

At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly and said to him, "all Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma." We walked a long in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information.

"Oh....I get it! he beamed, So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa".

'Exactly,' I replied.

[sodascouts]

Poor grandpas! No respect! lol

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Okay - I like all of these, but the one Mike posted about the corn flakes really gave me a chuckle! :lol:

[TimothyBFan]

Husband Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
˜ What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

HUSBAND DOWN!, HUSBAND DOWN!, AISLE 7

[WalshFan88]

LOL TBF!

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[MikeA]

Dumbassed Husband!

[sodascouts]

lol TBF!

[Annabel]

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a longflight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one overon them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declinesand tries to catch a few winks..

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you aquestion, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.
Then you askme one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agreesto play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth tothe Moon?'





The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out afive-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.



Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill withthree legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on theNet.



He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. Afteran hour of searching, he finally gives up
He wakes the senior and then hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 andgoes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up andasks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down withfour?'
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

. . . . .don't muck around with seniors!!!!

[MikeA]

Hmmm....wonder if it was the fact that he was young or that he was a lawyer or that the Old Fart humiliated him that makes that one so funny? They all work. It was FUNNY!

[WalshFan88]

:rofl:

[tequila girl]

Happy IVGLDSW Day!

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman's Day.

Remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming 'WOOO HOOOOO what a ride!'

To the Girls !!

Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what happened.

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cakes.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

I refuse to think of them as chin hair. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

If you can't be a good example ~ then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

I'm not going to vacuum until Dyson makes one you can ride on.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!!

[Annabel]

Lol, I had this by email the other day, with pictures. :laugh:

Think I shared it on with P47. :grin:

[tequila girl]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_ECA2B26FFAE645EDB5A36FE28EE2E887jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_EBF80CC8D7294423ADD923355042CB2FjonesPC-1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_168B171145E2458980B3AC1A3A3B0021jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_DF4A29640DD04E39BD4987C4235ECB27jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_C968B15266504E51B7BE0D1605C522E0jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_B2D03BFE76994605A9DA1B283508B1EAjonesPC.gif
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_A60992FB583343228F2546CEC0BFAA66jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_656818632608452CA2272F01E1F927D8jonesPC.gif
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_422B65D1537349CAA8F4CCCCE030A2A4jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_37DE0FBB032B4FD09D53A0A3DD9E7AF1jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_8E9C55CA412349628E82AD425D4CA000jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_7F6C366F102F4C49A000D15DD9EAF7E9jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_7E40B3ABF0B94974BBF8963F7AF7859DjonesPC.gif
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_7AFC1088F4194D93B30D4EF91146BECEjonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_4A45448C28C14CD3A2630B02B18A6086jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_1D92F0D3D3844350A2EDDAB86E41CD60jonesPC.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_1BABD342686747C7B46118DCC66035D6jonesPC.gif
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_3291CC3EB37F4CB796B84BACD4D73EB4jonesPC.jpg

[Ive always been a dreamer]

These are all great, tg, but for some reason, this one almost made me spray the computer screen ...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/carlycharlie/Funny%20Pics/cid_1D92F0D3D3844350A2EDDAB86E41CD60jonesPC.jpg

[MikeA]

This is a hilarious outtake from "Family Feud". Worth the 7mb time. I uploaded it to space on my own webspace so I could link you to it. I had a little trouble linking to it. You might have to just download it and play it in Windows Media Player or WinAmp or something like that. It's worth it though.

100 people surveyed and the top 6 answers are on the board. You're not going to believe what came up.

http://mvabercrombie.net/things_people_pass_around.wmv

[sodascouts]

Those cartoons were hilarious and so was the Family Feud bit - although I'm surprised they published that "survey" result!

At least the guy didn't say venereal disease...

[Prettymaid]

:rofl: Or "nude photos of your girlfriend".

[MikeA]

Those cartoons were hilarious and so was the Family Feud bit - although I'm surprised they published that "survey" result!

At least the guy didn't say venereal disease...

We were wondering what the other answers were. I'm thinking "a Cold" would have been pretty high. Verna thought "Basketball" would have been a popular one depending on the time of year (like right now!) And "Venereal Disease" would have probably been on the list too.

But the surprise wasn't the answer HE GAVE but the answer the lady gave and where it ended up! That's the part I thought would have been censored.

[MikeA]

Amazing: (some things culled from a list sent to me this morning)

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart, "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail"

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa 's lips.

Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence multi-tasking was invented.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small-sized dog.

315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

[TimothyBFan]

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart, "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail"



Hadn't even thought about this but so very true!!

[MikeA]

I'm reposting this from a link that Lou posted on Facebook. It was just too good not to share:

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. He grabs the lightbulb and drinks until the room spins!

[MikeA]

This one isn't funny. Sad how we are being screwed by HP, Kodak and the other makers of computer printers. Oh, not the printers. They are cheap. These guys have learned a lesson from Gillette and Shick and other makers of razors back in the 50's and 60's. They would give you their fancy razors....but each one had its own proprietary blades and they weren't interchangeable! You had to buy the BLADES.

Same with Printers. They practically give them to us....but you have to buy their ink to make them work.

A gallon of gasoline is over $3 a gallon now. That's CHEAP.

Do you know what a gallon of Printer ink costs today based on what we pay for a cartridge?

$5,200

[MikeA]

Bubba's pregnant sister was in a bad car accident, which caused her to
Fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awoke and saw that
She was no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asked the doctor about her
Baby.

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies
Are fine. Your brother came in and named them.”
The woman thought to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's
Name?"

"Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother says, "Wow!
That's a beautiful name, maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really
Like the name 'Denise.'

" What's the boy's name?"



The doctor replies, “Denephew."

[MikeA]

I went to the gas station today and asked for $5 worth of gas.


The clerk FARTED and gave me a receipt.

[WalshFan88]

:rolleyes:



:lol:

[MikeA]

This is an old one, but I'd forgotten it.


A.A.A.D.D...
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills
back on the table and take out the garbage first..

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the
can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for
the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy the whole stinking day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

[tequila girl]

Wow Some of those are really interesting p47........



And last but not least:

In 2011, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. This apparently happens once every 823 years!
and in certain circles is called "money bags" Hehehe

...and I think I read somewhere recently that it had been discovered that Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa was in fact a portrait of his gay lover!

[MikeA]

How in the heck do you expect me to remember all that Judy?

I didn't know that Heroin was a brand name of morphine marketed by Bayer.

When it originally appeared in 1886 - Coca Cola was billed as an Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage.


I did know also that Coke was originally marketed with cocaine as one of its ingredients.

Pemberton called for five ounces (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ounce) of coca leaf per gallon of syrup, a significant dose; in 1891, Candler claimed his formula (altered extensively from Pemberton's original) contained only a tenth of this amount. Coca-Cola did once contain an estimated nine milligrams (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milligram) of cocaine per glass, but in 1903 it was removed.[31] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coca-Cola#cite_note-30) Coca-Cola still contains coca flavoring.

[Koala]

Good ones!

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

[Annabel]

:rofl: Out of the mouth of babe's. ;)

[Annabel]

There once was a religious young woman
who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said,
'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my
boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'


The priest thought long and hard and
then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the
juice.'


The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'



The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

[MikeA]

Melanie:

:jawdrop:

[jdubfan]

babes talking together are fascinating. Footwear issues, I believe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJC0FfqRkm4

[tequila girl]

Hehe I was watching that one earlier Deb....So funny! :hilarious:

[MikeA]

That's Freakin' Hilarious! LOVED IT!

[Brooke]

I saw that one on the Today Show yesterday. So cute! :lol:

[GlennLover]

Gorgeous sig, Deb :drool:!

[Annabel]

Melanie:

:jawdrop:
:razz: Don't blame me Mike. Blame my cousin, she told me it I just repeated it. :laugh:

[Annabel]

Deb, love the babies video. I think one of them is getting ready for ballet. :huh:

[tequila girl]

A Blonde goes to Heaven



A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'


'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'


'Just three questions' said St Peter.


'Which are?' asked the Blonde.


'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?
The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'


'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'


So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).


The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'
'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'


The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'


St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.


'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'


The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'


'Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'


'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of 12.

St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'


The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'


'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'


'It's Andy.'


'Andy??'


'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.


This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'


'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'


And the Blonde entered Heaven...

... you're singing it now, aren't you…??

[MikeA]

That was WAY over my head....and I'm practically bald and was never blonde!

[sodascouts]

I think you have to be Australian or British to get that Waltzing Matilda punchline! We Yanks don't have a clue about it. I heard the song when I visited Australia and so I knew "andy" is a pun on the actual lyric "and he", but I don't even know what a swagman is!

[EaglesKiwi]

I think you have to be Australian or British to get that Waltzing Matilda punchline!

Yep - or a Kiwi - and I was sitting here singing it as I read it!

[tequila girl]

I think you have to be Australian or British to get that Waltzing Matilda punchline! We Yanks don't have a clue about it. I heard the song when I visited Australia and so I knew "andy" is a pun on the actual lyric "and he", but I don't even know what a swagman is!


ooops Sorry, I didn't think! :blush: :blush:

[MikeA]

I got the "Andy" part but was thinking:

"Andy Walks with me, Andy Talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own".

Church Hymn.

[Annabel]

:hilarious: Yep being British helped me there.

I think a swagman is the US equivilent of a hobo, as in migratory worker. Swag is something to do with his bedding I believe.

DH's family emigrated to Australia in the late 70's / early 80's. Lasted 3 years thre and came all the way back to home soil. DH does love the old Aussie bush or folk songs though still. :laugh: Don't get him started on 'tie me kangaroo down sport.' :brickwall:

[MikeA]

I've heard the term "Waltzing Matilda" before but taking it from contextual meaning, I always thought it meant "fighting".

[Annabel]

Not what I had thought about it, although I didn't know what it meant. Anyway I googled it out of curiosity and ...........yep, Wicki has a page for it lol.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waltzing_Matilda


Waltzing Matilda from the above terms, "to waltz Matilda" is to travel with a swag, that is, with all one's belongings on one's back wrapped in a blanket or cloth. The exact origins of the term "Matilda" are disputed; one fanciful derivation states that when swagmen met each other at their gatherings, there were rarely women to dance with. Nonetheless, they enjoyed a dance, and so they danced with their swags, which was given a woman's name. However, this appears to be influenced by the word "waltz", hence the introduction of dancing. It seems more likely that, as a swagman's only companion, the swag came to be personified as a woman.Another explanation is that the term also derives from German immigrants. German soldiers commonly referred to their greatcoats (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greatcoat) as "Matilda", supposedly because the coat kept them as warm as a woman would. Early German immigrants who "went on the waltz" would wrap their belongings in their coat, and took to calling it by the same name their soldiers had used.

[WalshFan88]

:hilarious:

[sodascouts]

Thanks for the info on Waltzing Matilda. Learn something new every day!

[GlennLover]

I remember singing that song as a kid with my father. :hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:

[Annabel]

:hilarious: :laugh:

[Freypower]

As an Australian can I say that whenever Waltzing Matilda is referred to as 'the real national anthem' I cringe. I mean really cringe, and the official anthem is bad enough.

There is an extremely moving anti-war song by Eric Bogle called The Band Played Waltzing Matilda:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG48Ftsr3OI&feature=related

And if anyone is interested here is our late country music icon Slim Dusty singing Waltzing Matilda:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwvazMc5EfE

[EaglesKiwi]

Thanks for posting "And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda" Freypower. It has been many years since I heard it.

[tequila girl]

This is a bit Random - but it made me chuckle..........copied from the Bald Eagles Webcam that pm found

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y172/carolwayne/charlie/eagles/untitled-1.jpg

[Annabel]

:hilarious: Love it Carole. :laugh:

[jdubfan]

random bits

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
Pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a b!tch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! It..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.
Sincerely,
Jack
PS, you let go

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea.... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely,
United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because
Some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You
Piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I
Was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

[MikeA]

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! It..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

:thumbsup:

[EaglesKiwi]

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol

:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:

[TimothyBFan]

Just received this pic from a friend's email a few minutes ago.

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e136/williehoo/bears-1.jpg

[MikeA]

I got an email this morning with a bunch of pictures from a Wal-Mart in China. Not the pictures we are used to seeing attached to emails of sloppily dressed (or NOT DRESSED) peeps!

No, this one was of things that were for sale in the Wal-Mart food section over there. And man, were those things gross! I don't even want to describe them other than to say "delicacies" for people in China are a lot different than what most any other culture I've ever heard of would choose!

[tequila girl]

Yep, i've seen that one Mike!! :nausea: :yuck: :puke:

[WalshFan88]

:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:

[MikeA]

Just got scammed out of $25.



Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".

Turns out it's about golf.

Absolute waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed

Best Regards,

Charlie Sheen

[Troubadour]

The girl broom goes to the boy broom and says, "We're going to have a baby broom." The boy broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together."

Sorry, but that was too cute to resist!

[MikeA]

You swept me off my feet with that one Lou! :faint:

[Koala]

lol!

Teacher: "You missed school yesterday didn't you?"
Pupil: "Not very much!"



Teacher:"Why were you late?"
"Sorry, teacher, I overslept".
"You mean you need to sleep at home too!"

[tequila girl]

A Second Opinion

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a doctor.

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.'
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'
The salesman said, 'Let's see..... size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old..'
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - £400
New shirt - £36
New underwear - £6
Second Opinion – PRICELESS

[WalshFan88]

:stunned: That is SO WRONG on SO MANY levels! :lol:

[EaglesKiwi]

:stunned: That is SO WRONG on SO MANY levels! :lol:

Funny though!:hilarious:

[WalshFan88]

Funny though!:hilarious:

:hilarious:

[MikeA]

TG,

That is humor of the lowest sort! And very ironic in that I have a headache this morning!

I'm copying that one!

[AzEaglesFan]

Cowboy at the Pearly Gates!


A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.



'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.



'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.� So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'



St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

A couple of minutes ago

[MikeA]

May be a chuckle in that, but a good word of caution as well. Bikers...the old school of outlaw bikers...they don't have a lot to prove but they are VERY territorial and they have a strong "gang mentality". I've had some indirect run-ins with them through some friends who were "wanna-be's"...

And those Wanna-be's are probably more dangerous than the Honest to God "Real Bikers". The Posers are out to project the image of what the Real 1%'s really are (and doing it on weekends before returning to their offices where they are lawyers and bankers!) I've run into some who are real losers and not the type to hand around.

So, best in both cases is to just avoid them even if it means going out of your way.

[MikeA]

I thought it was funny too! The thought of some cowboy waltzing up to a biker and knocking over his bike....that probably pissed the biker off more than having his nose ring yanked out and certainly more that smacking him!:nervous:

[Glennsallnighter]

Ok, the kids gave me this one.

'What word starts with f and ends in the letters u, c and k?'

When I get a guess I'll give you the answer!

[MikeA]

Ok, the kids gave me this one.

'What word starts with f and ends in the letters u, c and k?'

When I get a guess I'll give you the answer!

Firetruck?

I have a nephew who when very young, had a lot of trouble with that one. His Dad and Grandpa were both Volunteer Firemen. When the sirens would go off, Billy would scream out, "There goes a Fire*uck!" Got his Dad into all sorts of trouble one Sunday when a firetruck blasted by the church!

[Glennsallnighter]

Well Done Mike :applause: :applause: :applause:

Thats the one my kids had too. You know, I kinda thought you'd be the one to guess it!!

Great story too! We call them 'Fire Engines' mor usually. Saves those embarrassing church situations :wink:

[AzEaglesFan]

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there.

[WalshFan88]

:shock:

:lol:

[Koala]

LOL!:lol:

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Firetruck?

Errr - I knew that! :lie:

And like that one you posted too, AEF. :thumbsup:

[TimothyBFan]

Blond password



http://sz0072.ev.mail.comcast.net/service/home/%7E/?auth=co&id=207323&part=2 (http://www.emailvariety.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Blond.gif)

During a recent password audit by Microsoft & Google, it was discovered that one person was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacrame nto”
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Perhaps the bleach went deeper than the roots.

[TimothyBFan]

:hilarious: The friend who sent it to many put at the top of the email, "don't take this personally!". :steviesmack:

[Annabel]

:laugh: Love it. Oh and I'm not blonde either. ;)

[WalshFan88]

:hilarious:

[sodascouts]

The mention of KISS and Gene Simmons in another thread reminded me of this:

http://failbook.failblog.org/2011/04/14/funny-facebook-fails-jean-simmons/

oops! lol

[TimothyBFan]

:rofl: Wonder how many of her friends gave her grief about that one!

[EaglesFanatic]

:unimpressed: Oh boy... :lol:

[Annabel]

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:
BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,
BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.



'From now on when I say BELL 1
I want you to strip naked.


When I say BELL 2
I want you to jump in bed.


And when I say BELL 3
We are going to make love all night.'



' The next night he came home from work and yelled

' BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled ' BELL 3!', they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'



'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband?


'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, 'she replied'
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'

[WalshFan88]

LMAO! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[EaglesKiwi]

Bet that punctured his ego! :razz:

[Koala]

lol:hilarious:

[Brooke]

A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a real smart-mouth when he's been drinking."

This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in a thick Spanish accent, "Are we over the border yet?"


:hilarious:

[sodascouts]

Oops! lol!

[Annabel]

:hilarious: :hilarious: Like it Brooke. :thumbsup:

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Good one Brooke! Unfortunately, we all probably know people with the foot-in-mouth disease like that. :grin:

[TimothyBFan]

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.


The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.


Then, the still shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly.


The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

[Brooke]

:rofl: Another good one Willie!

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Yeah - that's quite a transition! :lol:

[EaglesFanatic]

http://i1194.photobucket.com/albums/aa377/asusundevils/Picture1-4.png

So this is what Mount Rushmore looks like from the Canadian Side!

[Annabel]

:rofl::rofl::rofl: Love it. :thumbsup:

[TimothyBFan]

:hilarious:

[EaglesFanatic]

These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:


On Sears hair dryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."

On a Swann frozen dinner:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
"Fits one head."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
"Do not turn upside down."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."

On Nytol sleep aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On a Korean kitchen knife:
"Warning: Keep out of children."

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

[Prettymaid]

Those are great!

[TimothyBFan]

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."


On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
"Fits one head."


:hilarious: They were all good, but these 2 really made me chuckle.

[Troubadour]

LOL! I love the Swedish chainsaw one. Too funny.

[Prettymaid]

On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

I'm sure a huge disappointment for all of those Superman wannabes out there.

[Brooke]

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill 's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would
crash.........Twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason...You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the
roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!

[TimothyBFan]

:hilarious: So very true!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Troubadour]

LOL, Brooke.

[Koala]

LOL!

[Freypower]

One of my favourite 'lightbulb' jokes is:

How many computer engineers (or whatever the correct term is) does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Microsoft redefines 'darkness' as the industry standard.

(Alternatively, Steve Jobs would hold a presentation showing you how to do it & then you're on your own).

[WalshFan88]

As a computer repair person myself, a lot of times I find it is PEBKAC. What is PEBKAC you ask?! Well, it's a common code between computer support personnel we use to describe certain cases to each other. PEBKAC stands for:

Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

Nine times out of ten, that's the cause! ;) :hilarious:

[EaglesKiwi]

As a computer repair person myself, a lot of times I find it is PEBKAC. What is PEBKAC you ask?! Well, it's a common code between computer support personnel we use to describe certain cases to each other. PEBKAC stands for:

Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

Nine times out of ten, that's the cause! ;) :hilarious:
Our IT team at work call it a "DFU" malfunction.

[WalshFan88]

Our IT team at work call it a "DFU" malfunction.

:rofl: That's a good one. I have quite a few good stories of some clients and their computers. Some people shouldn't own a computer. And I'll leave it at that. :hilarious:

[Peekaboo]

This should probably go in the Youtube thread but this made me laugh so I'm just gonna post it here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UaFOIboH2E

[Koala]

LOL!

[Ive always been a dreamer]

OMG - that is too funny - and I thought my puppy was hyper! :lol:

[TimothyBFan]

A friend of mine posted the following on FB this morning and I, with my simple mind, thought it was hysterical. Thought I'd put it here since we haven't had anything posted here for quite awhile.

‎2 kids in a hospital outside the operating room, 1st kid asks, "What are you in here for?" 2nd kid says, "getting my tonsils out, I'm a little nervous. 1st kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you Jello & ice cream. It's a breeze." 2nd kid asks, "What are you here for?"1st kid says, "Circumcision." "Whoa!", the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!!!

[WalshFan88]

:hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:

That is so bad! :rofl:

[Brooke]

:lol:

[Glennsallnighter]

Brilliant as always Willie! :hilarious::hilarious::hilarious:

[GlennLover]

I got a real chuckle out of that one!:lol:

[Koala]

Thats a good one!:hilarious:

[tequila girl]

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y172/carolwayne/cowboyscam.jpg

[VAisForEagleLovers]

OK, TG, I'm stealing this. Good one!

[sodascouts]

lol!

[TimothyBFan]

:rofl: Very good!!!!

[Glennsallnighter]

That is BRILLIANT! I am cracking up here laughing!

[Prettymaid]

Hubby found this and I thought you would get a kick out of them. None of our guys but they're still pretty funny.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

What happens when you blend rock n' roll with kittens? A pretty amazing series of album covers re-imagined, that's what! This fun and fascinating collection of photos was created by Alfra Martini (aka aymvisuals) and replaces iconic figures from some of the most famous music albums with playful images of felines.



http://www.cbsnews.com/2300-504784_162-10010160.html?tag=mGalleryBottom;mGalleryUL

[Freypower]

Those were great. My favourites were Moondance & Let It Be. In Let It Be 'John' even had his glasses!

[Prettymaid]

FP, I guessed you would like the Bob Dylan one too, but I don't think it stood out as much as some of the others.

[EaglesFanatic]

That's cute, I like the David Bowie one :hilarious:

[Koala]

Great!

[TimothyBFan]

Those are great. Love Devo, T Rex, Some Girls and the Kiss ones!! Shared it on my FB. Have several "animal loving" friends that will enjoy it.

[Freypower]

FP, I guessed you would like the Bob Dylan one too, but I don't think it stood out as much as some of the others.

It wasn't bad but they perhaps should have used Highway 61 Revisited. I also liked the Clash & Lou Reed covers & I'm not a fan of those artists.

[sodascouts]

I got a chuckle out of this:

Downing Street Cat Larry Backed Despite No. 10 Mice (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-15717341)

which was in response to this tongue-in-cheek critical article:

Larry the Cat Derelict in Duties (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2061198/Downing-Street-cat-David-Cameron-forced-throw-cutlery-mice.html)

[VAisForEagleLovers]

I got a chuckle out of this:

Downing Street Cat Larry Backed Despite No. 10 Mice (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-15717341)

which was in response to this tongue-in-cheek critical article:

Larry the Cat Derelict in Duties (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2061198/Downing-Street-cat-David-Cameron-forced-throw-cutlery-mice.html)

Very cute!

[sodascouts]

I think we did a better job playing the "Your Album Cover" game than the ACTUAL covers found on this site:

Bizarre Records (http://bizarrerecords.com/wordpress/)

I went though several of those entries and had a good laugh - hard to believe someone was paid to design those covers!

[Koala]

WOW, tose covers are really bad!:hilarious:

[TimothyBFan]

You gotta love country aerobics no matter what the cover of the album looks like. :hilarious:

[sodascouts]

Don't miss this great album, ladies!

Music for Washing and Ironing (http://bizarrerecords.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/MFwashing.jpg)

Sadly, "Dirty Laundry" is not included. :(

Can't leave out the guys:

Why Was He Born So Beautiful: Rugby Songs (http://bizarrerecords.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/JockRugby.jpg)

[Henley Honey]

Don't miss this great album, ladies!

Music for Washing and Ironing (http://bizarrerecords.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/MFwashing.jpg)

Sadly, "Dirty Laundry" is not included. :(




If my DH ever brought home that little gem, he'd be washing his own clothes on a rock in the backyard!!

[jdubfan]

A fellow cookie lover's tale, and being a Joe fan I especially like the chain saw part....:P


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNf-wP9lQ-Y

[Brooke]

Poor piggie! :lol:

[Koala]

That was nice! Poor pig!

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Very cute, Deb. This little piggy definitely had no luck! :wink:

[Brooke]

This is too funny!

http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/32422/sledding+crow+in+russia+soars+to+internet+stardom/

[sodascouts]

lol! Too cute!

[Glennsallnighter]

Dishes?



Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks
who worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather
in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan

After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John's grandfather prepared
breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. *


However,
John noticed a film like substance on his plate,
and questioned his grandfather asking,

'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied,

'They're as clean as cold water can get 'em.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'


For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again,
John was concerned about the plates,
as his appeared to have tiny specks around
the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,

'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said,

'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.
Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon,
John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving,
his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
* *
John yelled and said,
'Grandfather,
your dog won't let me get to my car'.


Without diverting his attention from the football game
he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!

'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'

*

Have a fabulous STRESS FREE day!

*Apologies to my Canadian friends.

[Brooke]

Oh nooooooooo! :hilarious:

Thanks Ga, I needed that!

[Glennsallnighter]

You're welcome Brooke :thumbsup:

[sodascouts]

EWWWWWWWWWW! lol!

[GlennLover]

That's a good one, GA! :lol: (No offense taken) :)!

[sodascouts]

This perked me up for sure!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/13-simple-steps-to-get-you-through-a-rough-day

[VAisForEagleLovers]

Thanks, Soda! I needed a laugh!

[Brooke]

Too funny! :rofl:

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Yep - ya gotta love those.

[sodascouts]

Saw this on Facebook and thought it was funny, even though it has the ring of truth. Wonder if the guys every made any of these suggestions to their girlfriends? lol

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b141/glennfreyonline/misc/tumblr_m20bi7J0nW1qcfsg9o1_500.jpg

[zeldabjr]

Saw this on Facebook and thought it was funny, even though it has the ring of truth. Wonder if the guys every made any of these suggestions to their girlfriends? lol

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b141/glennfreyonline/misc/tumblr_m20bi7J0nW1qcfsg9o1_500.jpg

that is very funny....and you're right...probably all true.

Zelda

[zeldabjr]

my friend sent me this...




Punography

I do not enjoy computer jokes . Not one bit .

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic . It's syncing now .

When chemists die, they barium .

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time .

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore .

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor .

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity . I can't put it down .

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren't funny, period .

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery .

I didn't like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .

How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection , urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it's hungry ? It goes back four seconds .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless .

I tried to catch some fog . I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus .

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on .

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .

Velcro - what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .

Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault .

I used t think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure .

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken

[Brooke]

lol Zelda! There's some good ones there!

[Troubadour]

Thanks, Zelda - that gave me a giggle!

[GlennLover]

Yes, me too! I love stuff like that! Thanks, Zelda!

[Glennsallnighter]

Love all of those Zelda! They made me chuckle

And Soda! Wonderful advice, and I'd agree that much of it would be true!!

[zeldabjr]

http://i1252.photobucket.com/albums/hh572/zeldabjr/cid__390AB00597EDF947A2B2066D5D395A3Cwillcare.jpg

zelda

[WalshFan88]

:nope: :fingerwag: :lol:

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Okay Zelda - Those are hilarious! :thumbsup:

[Glennsallnighter]

That's brilliant Zelda! And oh so true!

[Victim of Love]

Got this on my Facebook and thought I'd share. The first thing I thought when I saw it was 'what happened to the guys'? Guess we all know where my brain was (okay, I admit I had just finished reading the old 'boxers + briefs' thread)! DUH...

552



(The quote is actually attributed to George Takai of Star Trek fame).

[zeldabjr]

Got this on my Facebook and thought I'd share. The first thing I thought when I saw it was 'what happened to the guys'? Guess we all know where my brain was (okay, I admit I had just finished reading the old 'boxers + briefs' thread)! DUH...

552



(The quote is actually attributed to George Takai of Star Trek fame).

I just saw this one... :laugh:....yeah where are the guys?

[zeldabjr]

http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/s320x320/543332_3653791035834_1606303082_32883540_554512655 _n.jpg

[WalshFan88]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Glennsallnighter]

http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/s320x320/543332_3653791035834_1606303082_32883540_554512655 _n.jpg

That is definitely worthy of bringing forward to a new page Zelda! :lol::lol::lol:

[zeldabjr]

http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/s320x320/251914_332397536834295_1530103635_n.jpg

[zeldabjr]

http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/s320x320/525859_389862597733418_244753448911001_1089343_196 6889717_n.jpg

[zeldabjr]

this is definitely me lately:spin:
http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/s320x320/269356_457067770987729_1506973291_n.jpg

[sodascouts]

Love these, Zelda!

[Koala]

This are good ones!


http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/s320x320/251914_332397536834295_1530103635_n.jpg

This I know well! Lol

[VAisForEagleLovers]

This are good ones!



This I know well! Lol

Me, too, Koala! I always blame it on the artist!

[BramwenR]

Okay girls (and gents if you're peeking) ;)

Yesterday (and I can't find the thread) someone brought up the thread about what kind of undies the boys all wear...Bernie started it..so you know what???

Here's what I just found...seems not much has changed since 1863 (can see Joe in the hat, can't you??)

http://www.retronaut.co/2012/06/brighton-swimming-club-1863/

:nahnah::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

...right down to the tightie whities (although they don't look too tight to me) :hilarious:
http://www.retronaut.co/2012/06/brighton-swimming-club-1863/

[BramwenR]

Also..while in the mood for joshing...


Never get Jealous when you see

Your Ex with someone Else

Because our Parents always taught us

To Give our Used Toys to the Less fortunate

:rofl::rofl::rofl::grin:

[TimothyBFan]

This showed up on FB this morning and it just made me smile. Thought I'd share. I think it's so freaking funny (I'm simple).

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e136/williehoo/girraffe.jpg

[Brooke]

LOL! How's that for a nice wet kiss?!

Thanks TBF!

[BramwenR]

This showed up on FB this morning and it just made me smile. Thought I'd share. I think it's so freaking funny (I'm simple).

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e136/williehoo/girraffe.jpg

The most obvious thing that came to mind is, how much it reminds me of Jagger ;) :rofl::roll: It actually does look like that logo they used for promo stuff (n stuff) ;)..which reminds me of one I heard many many yonks ago:

Q: How did Mick Jagger's mother keep track of him while she did her shopping?

A: She licked his lips and stuck him on the window.
:rofl::blueblob::headbang:

[Koala]

Lol!:headbang:

[BramwenR]

I found another one on someone's Facebook page today..I've laughed myself silly over it (I'm simple too). The animal ones are priceless..take a peek:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3413781791903&set=p.3413781791903&type=1&theater

:rofl:

[Troubadour]

I thought a few of us could appreciate this!

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/funny-pictures-rules-for-the-cat1.jpg

[Glennsallnighter]

Well we now know whos boss in your house Troub!

[BramwenR]

All of the above rules..and include the bathroom window sill..and demanding to go outside at 4.30am so he can find that ole cat he beat up again the other day and teach him a lesson. Every day he thinks he might get lucky..unless he curls up beside me and lets me sleep in until 7am :yay:Oh yeah..and he don't get fed until I say he do :nope: me boss, he CAT ;) :heybaby:

[GlennLover]

I thought a few of us could appreciate this!

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/funny-pictures-rules-for-the-cat1.jpg

LOL! We have 5 cats! Every one of these is so true, including the 5:30 swat! :lol:

[Brooke]

Love it! :lol:

[Glennsallnighter]

My cousin posted this on her FB page earlier!

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t236/Irisheaglesfan/Menopause.jpg

[BramwenR]

LOL seen this one before :fainted: oh yeah, the boy cat is just visiting, is my sister's cat while she's interstate..I have a girl cat who is not accepting of his presence..worse than toddlers :lol:

[VAisForEagleLovers]

My cousin posted this on her FB page earlier!

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t236/Irisheaglesfan/Menopause.jpg

I like to rotate between them and give them equal time. Today, being Monday, sitting in traffic and going to the office for an all-day meeting, I'm Psycho.

[Glennsallnighter]

And with over 350 scripts to mark in 3 weeks, I'm sleepy!

Oh well. It's a few € for the 'London Fund'

[Prettymaid]

Oh, I'm Sweaty...I've been Sweaty for years, which makes me Bitchy! Lol!

[GlennLover]

And with over 350 scripts to mark in 3 weeks, I'm sleepy!

Oh well. It's a few € for the 'London Fund'

Poor you! Don't work too hard! :worried: :smile:

[Troubadour]

LOL Cathy!

[zeldabjr]

My cousin posted this on her FB page earlier!

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t236/Irisheaglesfan/Menopause.jpg

this is priceless!!!:rofl:

[TimothyBFan]

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e136/williehoo/Blonde.jpg

[BramwenR]

:rofl:Oh, my ...a BLONDE joke!!! LOL Well I know plenty of those and I'm blonde :p hope her brains didn't hurt afterwards :roll: