Need some advice...

[Shadowland07]

Ok...where to start? Last Dec. either the 26th or 27th (don't exactly remember) I met this girl online. I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything, I was just bored and went into a chatroom and we started talking. She told me she was 17 and I told her I was 19. She's from WV and I'm from IN. Well after a few days we started talking everyday and every night. By texts, AIM, webcam and by phone. After 3 months of this (so March) we both admitted to each other that we have fallen for each other. So we basically became official promising that since she had only a year left of high school we could handle it and wait. Well after 5 months she told me she had something to tell me. Turns out she lied to me about her age and was in fact 14. At first I was shocked because she didn't look 14 nor acted like it when we talked. I told her that the 6 year age difference didn't matter to me, because it didn't change what we talked about or felt. A few weeks after, her parents got wind of this and had a talk with me. I told her dad I'd stop talkin to her. The next day, she (her name's Brianna) msged me and said she still wanted to be with me. So we continued to talk, but then her mom found out on July 2nd, and called me. I asked her mom if there was anything, anything I could do so Brianna and I could continue talkin, she said she'd think about it. Well skip a week or two, Brianna and I were given permission to speak again lol. That lasted for about...2-3 weeks. In August before school started, her mom sent me a msg on facebook sayin Brianna and I couldn't talk anymore. After that...Brianna and I rarely spoke and when we did she would change her mind about us. Recently (4 days ago) she started talkin to me again. We decided to just be friends for now, until she was ready to go out with me. I missed her a lot and still love her, and she says the same to me. I was just wondering what any of you thought and what advice you could give me. Even though Brianna and I are both young, we do love each other. We've talked about our future together, but she isn't ready to date. So we have to wait (idk how long) and we're just friends for now. So...any advice?

[sodascouts]

I don't think I'm gonna tell you what you want to hear Shadowland... but she is too young to know what she wants or what love is in any real sense of the word. You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise. You have already discovered that she is a liar and her prevaricating about you is typical of someone her age, but also a red flag you shouldn't ignore. And I have to wonder about any 14-year-old girl who makes a practice of telling guys in internet chatrooms that she's 17....

I understand that it's no fun to be lonely, but once you stop wasting your time on a girl barely out of middle school, you can spend that time finding a grown woman who is beyond the "adolescent crush" stage of her life.

My advice is to stay away. Cut ties and cut your losses. You obviously want to be more than "just friends" but I'm going to be brutally honest here - you will be taking advantage of her emotional immaturity if you try to be her "boyfriend." A 20-year-old man has no business trying to be in a romantic relationship with a 14-year-old. If you truly love her, then step out of her life for her sake as well as yours.

And if (God forbid) you're hoping to take it all the way, just remember two words: statutory rape. She won't be "legal" until you're freaking 23. In fact, if she was 13 when you started talking to her, that would actually come under the purview of child molestation in Indiana.

Run, boy, run....

[Shadowland07]

well, did as you said Soda.

[sodascouts]

Excellent, shadowland. You won't regret it, especially once you find a new woman.

[Brooke]

I wholeheartedly agree with everything Soda said. She needs to grow up and you should move on to someone near your own age.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

I'll third that. Good luck, SL. It may not seem like it now, but you will be much better off if you move on.

[TimothyBFan]

Oh SL---as a mother of an 18 year old daughter...I'm telling you that if I had caught a boy of 19 talking to her "seriously" at the age of 14, I would have hunted him down!! And SHE would have been locked away for years for lying to him about her age! Just saying.....

I agree---you DO NOT need those kind of hassles!!

[WalshFan88]

Here is my thoughts on it (a 22 year old male perspective).

I have to fully agree with everything Soda and the other members have said. You are playing with fire and it is not a good idea to keep communicating with her.

I suggest you stay away, and find someone legal and that is more mature and that you have something in common with. It isn't worth it. I'm glad you have chosen to move on, you will be much happier that way. Just focus on finding someone close to your age or a bit older.

[MikeA]

Hey man, if you are 19 and SHE's 14, you'd better hope that your location is not known and that you've used a fake name and preferably someone else's image in those video conferences. I have LITERALLY known deacons in churches who are in jail as I type this because of scenarios such as you describe! I'm serious. DEAD SERIOUS. The deacon was from the same Baptist Church my Mother goes to! It is happening all too often with Internet communications being what they are.

If you are still contemplating it....use patience. Wait 6 or 7 years and check back in with her. If y'all still feel the same then, we were all wrong and you ought to go for it...IN 6 OR 7 YEARS!

No need to beat this up...I'm sorry to say that I think it probably was a very serious question. I myself am 62 and looking for someone around 21 to keep in reserve just in case I out-live my wife and that isn't likely....I'm 10 years older than she is...but she was LEGAL when we met and got married. That was 33 years ago. Had she been 14, I'd have probably been arrested for child abuse if nothing else. I just can't imagine anyone 14 who could help me make a decision about a car, much less a house. She most likely couldn't keep the accounting straight and the bills paid, and I dern sure can't so she'd have to do it and we'd be in hock up to our eyeballs!

And if my Verna reads this, I'm quite sure I'll be looking for that 21 year old a lot sooner than later or else my prediction would be correct and she'd outlive me (IMMEDIATELY MOST LIKELY) and we'd not be having to worry about it.

Find a good one. One that can cook or appreciate YOUR cooking. One that can either fix the plumbing or call someone who can (cause if you're like me, it's cheaper to hire a pro do do it no matter what the cost! That advise doesn't cost anything...I'll give it free but I don't expect any red blooded male to take it to heart until he has flooded the basement at least once and then had to call a plumber anyway!)

Look for one who can make a decision to buy bread instead of a new pair of shoes...oh, heck scratch that last one...Women need shoes. Not limiting them in that respect will buy you a lot of rounds on the golf course....or a new Les Paul or shoot, even a couple of tickets to an Eagles concert. Well, that last one might cost a couple of pairs of shoes.

[TimothyBFan]

Mike, Mike, Mike..... You're to funny!!