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Thread: What's Happening In Your Life?

  1. #821
    Border Troubadour groupie2686's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    Austin - I hope you feel better and get some good news soon!

    UTW- I'm so sorry, my condolences for your loss.

    I have a friend who has been going through a hard time, he has been through something very traumatic and is severely depressed because of it. I'm the only one he's been talking to about this; his parents are hands-off and his other friends are busy with other things. He refuses to get counseling, which I truly believe he needs, because his parents have told him it's a weakness to go. I've been trying so hard to help him and keep his spirits up, but it's been so hard...sometimes I don't know what to say, sometimes he doesn't want to talk about it and shuts down. We live 4 hours away from each other, so we talk on the phone or by text, but it's not as good as in person (and for various reasons, seeing each other in person can't happen right now). He is so paralyzed by fear and depression that he's hiding himself away and it's truly heartbreaking to hear, he was the most outgoing and friendly person I've ever met before this happened. It seems like I'm all he has to help him through this and I worry that I'm not doing enough to help, or that one day he will do something desperate. And the saddest thing is, I don't think he's even hit rock bottom yet (and I worry about that day, when he will). I'm not sure exactly why I wanted to post this here, I felt like I had to share, I guess. I don't know if I believe in prayer, but any prayers sent out into the universe would help...thank you all for listening!

  2. #822
    Administrator sodascouts's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    Quote Originally Posted by groupie2686 View Post
    I have a friend who has been going through a hard time, he has been through something very traumatic and is severely depressed because of it. I'm the only one he's been talking to about this; his parents are hands-off and his other friends are busy with other things. He refuses to get counseling, which I truly believe he needs, because his parents have told him it's a weakness to go. I've been trying so hard to help him and keep his spirits up, but it's been so hard...sometimes I don't know what to say, sometimes he doesn't want to talk about it and shuts down. We live 4 hours away from each other, so we talk on the phone or by text, but it's not as good as in person (and for various reasons, seeing each other in person can't happen right now). He is so paralyzed by fear and depression that he's hiding himself away and it's truly heartbreaking to hear, he was the most outgoing and friendly person I've ever met before this happened. It seems like I'm all he has to help him through this and I worry that I'm not doing enough to help, or that one day he will do something desperate. And the saddest thing is, I don't think he's even hit rock bottom yet (and I worry about that day, when he will). I'm not sure exactly why I wanted to post this here, I felt like I had to share, I guess. I don't know if I believe in prayer, but any prayers sent out into the universe would help...thank you all for listening!
    I have dealt with this situation and in the end, I had to accept that I could not help her. When someone is dealing with severe depression, we can't make them better by saying the right things. There are no magic words that will make them okay. We only get caught in the cycle. You have to keep urging him to see a counselor, someone who is trained - if he doesn't have the money, he can go to a church counselor or a free clinic. Keep harping on it. If you truly feel he is suicidal, I think you should alert his parents. They may be "hands-off" and unsupportive (do they know what happened to him?) - it sounds like they have a bad relationship - but they'll want to know if their son is seriously contemplating killing himself. I'd alert anyone who lives with him so they can watch him. Again, though, I can't give expert advice. A counselor is what he needs - make getting him to one your goal.

    I will pray for you.

    Always in our hearts, Never forgotten

  3. #823
    Border Troubadour groupie2686's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sodascouts View Post
    I have dealt with this situation and in the end, I had to accept that I could not help her. When someone is dealing with severe depression, we can't make them better by saying the right things. There are no magic words that will make them okay. We only get caught in the cycle. You have to keep urging him to see a counselor, someone who is trained - if he doesn't have the money, he can go to a church counselor or a free clinic. Keep harping on it. If you truly feel he is suicidal, I think you should alert his parents. They may be "hands-off" and unsupportive (do they know what happened to him?) - it sounds like they have a bad relationship - but they'll want to know if their son is seriously contemplating killing himself. I'd alert anyone who lives with him so they can watch him. Again, though, I can't give expert advice. A counselor is what he needs - make getting him to one your goal.

    I will pray for you.
    Thank you, soda. I have told him he needs to see a counselor before, he always declines, I will keep at it though. For whatever reason, he feels like he can't reach out for help, like it is admitting weakness, its a huge breakthrough that he's opened up to me the way he has. His parents do know and their solution is to have him run away from it -to spend a few months with different relatives who live in different places, but he's still depressed when he's there and when he returns, because he's not dealing with what happened. His parents are immigrants and they've told him he doesn't have the privilege to seek help...this is the attitude I've been fighting against. I've debated talking to them, but I feel that would be a breach of his trust. Maybe I will in the end, if it would help. He is taking a job in another city for a couple of months and the idea of him living alone, away from family and friends, worries me even more. Anyway, thank you for the prayers, they are appreciated!

  4. #824
    Moderator Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    groupie, I'm so sorry about your friend's depression. I think he needs professional help too and I will keep you and him in my prayers.
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  5. #825
    Border Troubadour groupie2686's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    Thank you, Brooke. I appreciate it. *hugs all around*

  6. #826
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    Groupie, if he won't see a councilor, would he speak to someone on a telephone helpline?

    Thanks to everyone for your condolences. I'm not that sad. He had a good and long life and he was happy at the end. I just wish the last few years hadn't been marred by the changes brought on by his dementia.

  7. #827
    Border Troubadour groupie2686's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    Quote Originally Posted by UndertheWire View Post
    Groupie, if he won't see a councilor, would he speak to someone on a telephone helpline?

    Thanks to everyone for your condolences. I'm not that sad. He had a good and long life and he was happy at the end. I just wish the last few years hadn't been marred by the changes brought on by his dementia.
    I'm not sure, I've thought of that. I found a support group for people in his situation and I've thought about referring him there, he is dead set against any sort of help and I'm not sure how he will take it if I suggest it. I actually haven't heard from him in several days and every time that happens, it makes me worry like crazy. He has ADHD so he sometimes forgets to respond if he's busy and then drops off the radar for a while. I'm hoping this is one of those times. The distance is so hard.

  8. #828
    Moderator Glennsallnighter's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    Quote Originally Posted by UndertheWire View Post
    Austin, I hope that your doctors find the problem soon and that it will be something that's easily manageable.

    I have been out of the habit of posting partly from the break but also a busy time in my life.

    Like many here, I was dealing with the problems of ageing relatives.

    I now find myself as the oldest generation. Over the last 11 years, I've had to deal with the deaths of both parents, my husband's uncle (who had no children) and now my father-in-law. This is fairly typical for someone of my age but it's still hard to accept. I'm not sad but I've lost some of my optimism. I'm also feeling fed up about clearing up other people's stuff and not finding time for doing what I want.
    UTW firstly let me send condolences to you on the passing of your FIL. Its good for you to know at least that you took time sorting out the best care possible for him and were careful to take his wishes into account. We are at the stage with my mother of acknowledging that she will soon be unable to cope at home, even with HSE carers and family backup. Some days she is fine, although she does have Parkinsons, other days she is confused and a danger to herself. But until she states that she is happy to move on to a nursing home, the HSE will not progress her application.

    I know how you feel. It is starting to hit me too with a number of aunts, uncles and friends parents as well as friends of my own parents having passed on.I still FEEL young but know I'm not really, and those awkward conversations are starting to happen too. I wish you well
    'I must be leaving soon... its your world now'
    Glenn Frey 1948-2016 RIP

  9. #829
    Stuck on the Border WalshFan88's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    UTW - I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Groupie - I've been in his shoes many times before. I don't think there is anything you can do other than keep him safe, and if need be, get ahold of the proper authorities if you are afraid of him harming himself. I will say that you are a great friend for looking out for him. I've certainly been shunned by people when I'm down and out and it's not a good feeling. Thankfully, my family and true friends are my rock. Once I got in a proper head space, the friends that decided to distance themselves and acted like what I was going through was no big deal were promptly removed from my life. I just am always glad to hear of real friends!
    -Austin-
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    RIP Glenn Frey and Randy Meisner

    "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key..."


  10. #830
    Administrator sodascouts's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's Happening In Your Life?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glennsallnighter View Post
    I know how you feel. It is starting to hit me too with a number of aunts, uncles and friends parents as well as friends of my own parents having passed on.I still FEEL young but know I'm not really, and those awkward conversations are starting to happen too. I wish you well
    The longer I visit my parents, the more I see the evidence of age (they are both 76). They are doing relatively well in many ways but...

    I really don't like to think about life without them and a new reality where Christmas is picking which sister's family to attach myself to at Christmastime. I know I'm lucky to have sisters, of course, and lucky to have my parents as well as they are. I try to focus on that. Still, the inevitability of it all looms.

    Always in our hearts, Never forgotten

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