Good for a Laugh

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Aw yes - good ole mom. I particularly like #12, 13, & 14.

[Glennsallnighter]

They are indeed hilarious!

I particularly liked #4, #7, #14, #22!!

[Billy]

MY NEW PARROT

Recently I received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word
out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying
only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think
of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and put him
in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said
'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.'

I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change
in his behavior, the bird continued,

'May I ask what the turkey did?'

[Glennsallnighter]

Oh Billy! They just get better and better. Are you going to any of the London gigs?

[Perfect Little Sister]

Molly- #25 is beautiful indeed.

Billy- that's a riot! I cracked up laughing at that one.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

That's a good one, Billy!

[Billy]

Oh Billy! They just get better and better. Are you going to any of the London gigs?

Don't think so.....
Unless my wife get's one of the many hints about the concerts being around about our anniversary.

working on it

[Billy]

Irish airlines
Ryanair pilot flying into Heathrow,the plane is in trouble! So he calls the tower, says "help,Easter Sunday, Pancake Tuesday,Boxing day"!

Voice comes back "Paddy the word you're looking for is Mayday"!!

[Glennsallnighter]

Thanks Billy! I really appreciate that! (Is there a 'sarcastic' emoticon?)
Its as well I've booked Aer Lingus to go to the London gig!

Also an Irish pilot wouldn't say 'Boxing day'. We call it 'St Stephen's day' over here!

Good joke tho'

[Billy]

9 Things I Hate About Everyone



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?




2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.






3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?




4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!




5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.






6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?



7 . When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.






8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?






9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?