Congratulations and good luck on the new job Shun.
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Congratulations and good luck on the new job Shun.
Thanks for the great suggestions, FF and Soda. I will try those. I'm sorry for burdening my personal life on you all yesterday, sometimes it is helpful to vent anonymously. :) You are all the best!
Groupie - It sounds like textbook depression to me, and pretty severe depression at that. "Turning inward" is a very common occurrence, and it's one of the worst things that can happen if you let yourself do it. There is not a true clinical term that is used to describe the turning inward other than avoidance, etc but it is a common occurrence with major depressive disorder and it is something that has to be watched. Unfortunately suicide is still a taboo word to many but the fear of speaking out about it and having the conversation shouldn't be there. It's when things get swept under the rug by others and/or when things are held close to the vest by the sufferer that tragedy can occur. Ok, I'm going to get personal here. I remember being super pissed when my suicidal plan was foiled by my folks. And the last thing a person in that mindset wants is to be stopped. They see it as a mean/bad thing that you sent them to the hospital. They see involuntary hospitalization/psych hold as unfair and unjust. They want to self-harm or commit suicide. You are interfering with them. They might feel serious resentment or anger towards you for doing so. They may even feel like you kept them from finally ending their pain and want them to suffer. They aren't glad you did it, or thankful, nor will they say "oh yeah, maybe I did need to go get help". It's "damn it, now this?!". That's the thought process, as disorganized and erratic as it sounds. You may ask how I know. Because that was exactly my mindset and thought process at the time. That was my internal dialogue. And it isn't until they are on medication and get therapy that they turn it around 180 and realize your love/help saved their life. It may not be for awhile until the treatment resets their brain and thinking patterns that they realize this. But when they do, you'll be the first to know. They may even feel guilty. I did.
My only advice is to keep persisting with them and insisting on at least somewhat regular conversations either in person or by phone or video/voice chat. Texts and emails don't really count IMO when you have a person with depression and you are checking up on them. Sure, it's better than nothing but you can't hear the tone of voice, inflection, and you can't pick up on things as easily. A call is better. And seeing the person face to face in person or over video is best because a picture tells a thousand words. Body language and facial expressions and overall appearance/hygiene tell a lot, even if someone is putting on a fake smile. As someone who has done it before, I can pick a forced smile out of a lineup at this point probably. And I don't mean that to sound mean or that texts/emails are not appreciated. They are. If you are ever concerned about imminent danger to hisself or feel he needs urgent intervention, don't be afraid to notify the right people (which can be anyone from 911, family, a suicide hotline, local mental health centers, etc).
You seem like a wonderful friend and they are really lucky to have you looking out for them and to simply give a damn. I'm extremely fortunate to have amazing parents and they are my support system.
I agree, WF. Groupie, maybe one of those suicide/crisis hotlines could give you some advice in your situation as a supporter of a person in need.
Austin, what a thoughtful, informative post that was extremely personal... and helpful. Thank you for sharing.
I have to watch myself. I'm a "fixer" — if you have a problem, I want to help you fix it. Even though it drives me crazy when other people try to do it for me. Sometimes I want to be in a bad mood. Sometimes I just need to complain about my life/job/husband/outlook/husband but nothing needs to be done, I just need to gripe/whine, and I'm done. (Oops, did "husband" sneak in there twice? My bad.) But I do need to be told to stop every once in a while. (My bff recently said, "I love you. I know you're trying to help. But just back off a bit, okay?") Maybe I'm just too nosy. But I'm trying... and learning.
I'm with groupie, though: It's the "radio silence" that scares me. Complain to me all day, even if I can't do anything to help, I'll listen. But "disappear" on me, and I will come looking. I do hope you can set up some kind of communication while your friend is overseas, groupie. I know "not knowing" would drive me crazy. Best to you and your friend.
And, shun! Congratulations on the new job! That sounds fantastic that you got the position you wanted. So important to be happy (or at least content) with your work.
Wow, Austin, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you went through such a hard time and I'm glad you're doing better. This was really helpful to read and try to understand what my friend is going through, I can't even express how helpful this was, honestly. It is particularly hard because we live 4 hours away from each other and can't see each other in person that often. He doesn't have a car at the moment, so I have to come to him. I was actually going to plan a trip this summer when I can get time off from work and now found out he'll be overseas for the entire summer. Video is a good idea though.Quote:
Originally Posted by WalshFan88
CA - I know, the silences scare me more than anything. I'm hoping we can work out some way to communicate while he's away - but of course there is the question, will he even check his messages and respond.
Thanks for all the advice, everyone!
groupie, I'm so sorry for you and your friend. I wouldn't even try to give advice here as I think you've already gotten great advice. I know it must be hard.
Shun, congrats on your new job!
I had a stay cation last week, but am back at work and have more time to come here! :hilarious:
Thank you all for your suggestions, everyone. I spoke to my friend today and he sounded better, in much better spirits than he has in a long time. I think he has good days and bad days, and I happened to catch him on a good one. I know the bad times are far from over for him, but as long as he still has good days, that's a good sign. We worked out how to stay in touch while he's away. His plans have changed too and now he'll only be gone a month and a half, instead of 3, so that makes it better too.
Heading to Biloxi Beach, Mississippi early Sunday morning with my sister and her husband! Fun times ahead for the week! :headbang:
Have fun and safe travels!Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooke