Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Thanks, groupie!
I go for my first treatment next week. I'm awfully nervous but I know it may be the only thing to keep me alive at this point other than not wanting to hurt my family but I'm afraid that may soon not be enough. It's time to be open to anything that might help. :heart:
Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Hey Everyone! Life has been busy and crazy and just down right strange.I will get on tomorrow and say more about what's been going on. But for now, I just had to get on here and say Happy New Year! Let's make 2024 an awesome year!
Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WalshFan88
Thanks, groupie!
I go for my first treatment next week. I'm awfully nervous but I know it may be the only thing to keep me alive at this point other than not wanting to hurt my family but I'm afraid that may soon not be enough. It's time to be open to anything that might help. :heart:
Austin I hope you got on ok. We are thinking of you and your struggles.
Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Glennsallnighter
Austin I hope you got on ok. We are thinking of you and your struggles.
Thank you so much, GA. I'm hanging in there.
Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Glad to hear that you are Austin, I was worried about you! Take care of yourself.
Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Hey everybody. It's been a bit since my last update.
The first set of ECT treatments are now over and I feel like they were slightly helpful. I had unipolar ECT which was supposed to mean less retrograde amnesia which is a medical term for memory loss of past events. I can say while I did have some significant temporary brain fog I can't think of anything where I'm still hazy on remembering and my family can't find anything either. It was honestly the biggest hurdle to get me to agree to it and I went into it knowing that if the unipolar ECT (one side of the head only) failed to improve my depression, I would have to go with bipolar ECT (both sides of the head, not bipolar disorder) which unfortunately does tend to really affect memory. Unfortunately that time has come where I feel like I need to take the next step to try the bipolar ECT. There is a kind of stimulation called ultrabrief pulse that we did with the one sided unipolar shocks that is also there to prevent memory loss. They want me to do bipolar both sides shock therapy to see if it is more effective. I put this on hold because of what I'll get into below.
I've had some issues with my neck and arm/hand giving me fits since January of 2023 and after an MRI and "shopping around" for surgeons I finally had surgery last month to fix my hand weakness. It was keeping me from playing guitar, opening the lid on a bottle of pop, just about everything. It was my left non-dominant hand but it was still very problematic. I can say I did really well with the ACDF and am now pretty much done with the neck saga and can focus on getting back to my mental health treatment. The weakness in my left hand and tricep is all but gone and getting better every day. For being a major surgery I breezed through it.
After a lot of thought and the concern that I'm still feeling chronically suicidal I have agreed to a trial of bipolar traditional ECT where the shock isn't just on one side of the head but both. I don't want to have memory loss, but I'm concerned that if I don't start feeling a lot better I might be in a really bad spot where I have to make a choice that I don't want to make. If I lose some memory but it helps, it's a major tradeoff but might be one that saves my life. I don't want to hurt my family. If I didn't have them it would be the easiest choice just to end all the pain but the fact is I do not want to hurt them and so I'm trying like hell to get better and am doing things that I had once told the doctor I was dead set against. I feel like the unipolar ECT just didn't last. It was a bit of a bandaid that allowed me to keep pushing on and then shift focus temporarily to my physical health and then now I'm back to where I was before I tried it. It has been a big disappointment. My biggest fear is that because this is the last line of defense, if it fails, it will be the end of my options and then it just comes down to how long I can tolerate things and making as much of an effort as I can for as long as I can but ultimately knowing I will reach my breaking point sooner than later. It's exhausting to think about.
I take things day by day and am just doing the best I can. But I'm still hanging on and that counts for something.
Thanks to everyone for your concern and kind words.
Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
WF, I'm glad that you were able to take care of your neck/arm ailments. The rest has been a rough series of of trials for you, and I am so sorry you have had such an ordeal. Please continue the tough fight to endure until you find the right treatment. I believe that there are better days ahead for you! Keep a network of friends/family/988/and prayer in mind when things get tough, and know there are people who love you who want to see you through to recovery. On this Easter, remember that all seemed lost, but 3 days later, Christ arose in victory to save us all! Keep the faith, Austin, we care, love, and believe in you!:heart:
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Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Austin - I echo every word that FF wrote. I am sorry I'm so late in responding, but we are praying that you will continue to seek the treatment you need until you are well. I know that you are struggling, but, hopefully, you can find the strength you need to recover.
Re: What's Happening In Your Life?
Thanks, Dreamer.
I've got my first appointment for bilateral/bipolar ECT at the end of the month so we'll see how that goes. I'm kind of running out of options but I'm still hoping for the best. I will be doing a 4 treatment system and then will reevaluate effectiveness after that.