Well, now that I've sufficiently recovered from the trip back from Austin, it's time to reveal my terrifying tale...

LOST IN LINDEN!!!

Heading back from Austin to Memphis takes you right by Linden. Since I was driving alone, there was no reason why I couldn't cruise around and get a good look at the "fertilizer of Don's genius." Maybe I could even get my courage up to ask a local about him.

The only problem was that I left later than planned, and by the time I hit Linden, the sun was setting. I wouldn't be able to see a thing! Oh well, at least I'll stop and eat something there, I thought.

I used my GPS, which I have named "Bridget", and did a search for food. A place called "Music City Pizza" came up. That sounds promising! I thought. I remembered Don's buddy Richard Bowden had done some kind of Music City thing near Linden and I wondered if this was affiliated. If so, surely they'd love to talk about Don there!

I set "Bridget" to find "Music City Pizza" and before you know it, I was in downtown Linden, cruising by the courthouse and a couple churches.... but when Bridget said "Destination on Right" there was no pizza place there! There were some shops there but they looked closed. Oh well, guess I missed it, I thought. I'll just circle back and try again.

And here is where my heartache began. There was a lot of construction and there was a car behind me, so I was reluctant to just turn around in a parking lot. I figured I would just drive a couple more blocks back to Highway 59 and then pull back around.

So I did.... but it was really dark - the moon was nothing more than a sliver - and it was hard to make out streets to turn onto. Finally I saw one - "Center Hill Road" - and drove onto it expecting to see lovely little Linden houses in the dark. Instead, somehow, I found myself on a gravelly road, surrounded by trees, barely able to see the road in the pitch black, with large ditches on either side. Bridget kept telling me to do a U-turn, but the street was narrow and I had a nightmarish vision of my trusty Honda winding up in a ditch in Linden. NOT a happy thought. So I kept driving, looking for a road - Bridget kept claiming I was passing roads, but I never actually saw them, just driveways - unless those were the roads?? I just kept going deeper into the woods.

How did this happen? I didn't go THAT far! I thought unhappily. Only I could get lost in a town this size while in possession of a GPS.

I inched along - no problem with a car behind me this time, there was NO ONE around - and finally made out a street sign that said "Rush." There were signs of civilization here, so I reprogrammed Bridget to just take me back to freaking Music City Pizza please. However, once again, she let me down and it wasn't where she said it was.

No longer willing to keep driving like last time, I just kept u-turning using various parking lots and even a couple driveways. "Who knows, maybe I just u-turned in the driveway of Don's old house!" I muttered after the second or third one. "Wouldn't THAT be cool... NOT!"

At this point a car seemed to be following me. I wondered if some local was thinking I was a crazy drunk or whatever. I was so embarrassed and I just was grateful that it was too dark for people to see my Eagles license plate and know exactly what kind of buffoon I am!

Then I saw it... a sign glowing in the dark invitingly, like an old fluorescent friend.... DAIRY QUEEN! Ah yes, an Oreo Blizzard would make me feel MUCH better. Screw "Music City Pizza" - screw all of this crap - I'm outta here! I pulled in the parking lot, had myself a nice big dose of ice cream, and decided that it was time for me to leave Linden and return at a time when I could actually see what I was doing.

But at least I got a gas receipt with the name of the town on it. lol

(BTW, Dairy Queen is really happenin' in Linden. The admittedly small parking lot was so full I had to circle the building to find a space, and there were people of all ages inside, including three cops who were apparently in no hurry to go out and patrol the crime-ridden streets of Linden, lol. At least I got that part of the "Linden experience"! )