What's Happening In Your Life?

[Elle81]

Well, I got my surgery done. It went a lot better than I expected. Thanks, FF for the kind words.
I appreciate it a whole bunch. The surgeon was super nice and when I asked for some classic rock music to be played, he gladly obliged. Sadly, no Eagles tracks were played. :laugh:
Now I just gotta focus on recovering.

[LuvTim]

Elle81, sending good thoughts your way for your quick recovery! :-)

[CAinOH]

Elle81, sending good thoughts, healing thoughts for your recovery. Happy to hear things went well. Take care!

[Elle81]

Thanks, LT and CA. I'm able to use my fingers and the swelling has gone down enough in my right hand that I can at least type. Unfortunately the medication they gave me was Vicodin, and since my body is so used to taking that, it's now like popping a tictac in my mouth.

[Elle81]

One of my cats back home in California died today. He was old, 15 years to be precise. He just hadn't be feeling well and started acting like it was his time to go. My sister was able to get him euthanized and cremated. Sadly, she couldn't be in the room with him, but she held him all up until the vet came to get him. We raised him from birth, I was the one that named him. I really wish I was back home in California right now, because I have no one here to talk to and (normally I'm the type of person that doesn't like hugs) I could really use a hug right about now. :sad::cry:

[FreyFollower]

Elle, I lost my cat Linus, who was even older than that, over a year ago. I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you couldn't be with him. Our pets bring so much to our lives. I'm sure he was very special to you.:grouphug: Not the same, but virtual hugs sent your way!

[CAinOH]

Is it the time of the year? About this time last year, I lost my cat Precious (she was not!) at age 14. Kidney failure. And although she had a lot of bad habits... I miss her.

Take care, Elle. And so sorry to hear about your cat, too, FF.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

So sorry for all of you that have lost your pets. I posted a few months ago in the Petmania thread about the health issues of my beloved pup, Smuggler. He is still hanging on, but it's been a constant struggle juggling his diet and medication to keep him comfortable. Our pets are so precious to us, and I know it is going to break my heart when the time comes for him to go. :grouphug: to all.

[Elle81]

Thanks for the condolences, and I'm sorry to hear about everyone else's pets.
FF, a virtual hug is just as good. :grouphug:

[Glennsallnighter]

Glad your surgery went well Elle and I hope you make a full recovery. I'm sorry to hear about your cat and send my condolences to all of you who have lost pets. Dreamer I hope Smuggler hangs in there a good deal longer.

Just coming up to the mid term break this weekend - we get a week off. Its been a hectic few months and I can't wait to get to relax in Galway.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

GA - Glad to hear from you and hope you enjoy your week off. Between my sick sister, my sick dog, and Covid, this has been a challenging year for me, for sure. However, my sister has finished her initial treatment and her cancer is now in remission. She still has to have monthly immune therapy sessions for a year, but we are hopeful that she will soon be able to resume some of her normal activities. Smuggler had a rough time in September, but with some adjustments to his meds, he seems to be stable for now. Sure looking forward to a better 2022 for all.

[Elle81]

GA, thank you for the kind words and Dreamer, I'm happy to hear about your sister, glad her cancer is in remission.

Lately, it has not been a happy time for me. Usually, I love Halloween season. But the tension in my house with the roommates is almost to a boiling point. Or actually I should say just the one roommate, as the mother knows I'm upset and tries to talk to me every now and then. And the child is so self-absorbed that if it doesn't concern her she doesn't care. I have been working almost non-stop for two weeks just to be away from the house. I'm seriously considering signing up for emergency housing.

[Elle81]

I applied for a housing voucher, and hopefully I can get a unit in this apartment that they have on their website. I told them I am low income and disabled, which is two out of the three types of people they cater to, the third being seniors. They work with Section 8 and, fingers crossed, I can plead my case and get help. I really hope and pray to the powers that be that I get approved. :pray:

[Elle81]

I'm sorry if I'm flooding this thread but this is pretty much the only place I can go to talk about this. Apparently the housing voucher did not go through. So I have to talk to someone either over the phone or in person. I really don't want to do it, but I am seriously considering asking the church for help. It feels like I am in quicksand and I can't get out. I honestly don't know what to do.

[WalshFan88]

It's been a long time since I've been in this thread!

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, Elle. I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later.

----

I ended up having cataract surgery on my only seeing eye in October.

I went down to St. Louis first to make sure it wasn't an optic nerve or retina issue and it wasn't and my symptoms were all in fact from my posterior subcapsular cataract. It was a 3+, which is the worst it can be. It's due to my years of chronic steroids that I need for adrenal insufficiency. My left eye is blind as the optic nerve never formed in that eye (optic nerve hypoplasia/septo-optic dysplasia). I have a 3+ cataract in that eye too but it's hidden in the back and so it's not needing to come out even for cosmetic appearance. It was nervewracking to have surgery on my only good eye but this year my vision went from 20/30 down to 20/70 corrected, so it was time to make the move to surgery. I put it off. I started noticing a lot of trouble last year but I put it off. This year I couldn't see things my dad with glaucoma could see! The haloes and glare were bad, the blurriness was bad, and I just had to take that risk. I was waiting for that perfect risk to benefit ratio to be skewed in favor of the benefits. Surgery went well and I can see a lot better! I go for my 6 week follow-up tomorrow and I can finally get a new prescription for glasses! They corrected my nearsightedness at the same time but I have to have reading glasses for up close now. It's a tradeoff that I'm willing to deal with.

Life is pretty stressful right now. My family and I are moving to a new home in the Spring and selling our current house. Our new house is being built right now on a lot in a neighboring town. We will have neighbors for the first time, but we will be in a good location and we've introduced ourselves already and feel comfortable about the subdivision. It's out in the country but yet closer to town for anything we need be it gas, food, groceries, etc. I finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We've been talking about this move for years and I always didn't like it because it reminded me of how old everyone is getting and the fact that both my dad and I need a house with disability accommodations and one level only. Life is also stressful because I'm still pretty worried about my health and COVID and staying safe but I yearn for connection and things to do. I'm pretty isolated and I want it to be that way until we get more people vaccinated and the risk of dying drops. I'm so vulnerable with my health but my mental health is taking a beating with anxiety and my typical yearly wintertime blues that I always get. I'm hoping for a better 2022 for all!

Hope everyone stays safe and healthy. Have a great Thanksgiving!

[Elle81]

Thank you, Austin. It means a lot. :D

And I am really happy to hear that your surgery went well, and good luck with your move!


I talked to some of my other co-workers about what's going on and one said he would give me a weekend job of helping him with his DJ business and another said she rents out the extra rooms in her house and she would let me know if one became available. So the future is not as bleak as it would seem. I am a bit leery about living with roommates after this fiasco, but it's better than being on the street.

So now I just have to focus on work and saving up my money.

[Glennsallnighter]

I'm glad your housing situation is improving Elle and that you feel more confident about life at the moment. Never worry about letting off a bit of steam here, we are here to help you if we can and sometimes a burden shared is a burden halved.

Austin good luck with the move - I hope your new home is a success for you and your family. Glad to hear that your eyes are improved too. Mine are going downhill - I cannot read the text on a computer or newspaper unaided and even then I find long posts tedious. My hubby said he will get me a Golden Retriever for Christmas!!

Things are very busy here as I am managing 2 homes, working fulltime and trying to prepare for Christmas. We get our holidays on the 22nd and it can't come soon enough!!

[Elle81]

Aww, thank you GA. I truly feel like a lot of my fellow borderers here are some of my most cherished online friends, even if I've known you guys for only a year. I know I'll get honest answers and advice when I need it. Love you guys to the moon and back. :grouphug:

[AlreadyGone95]

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to make a quick post to say that after 5 and 1/2 years, I have finally finished my Bachelor’s of Science Degree in History and Government. I also survived a bout with Covid. I've also just started a part time job at a local county library. Grad school is on the horizon for 2022 or 2023 (just depends upon if the job turns into a bigger one). Life and my health continues to be hectic. :dizzy: Hope everyone is doing well.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

CONGRATULATIONS AG!!!

You should be very proud of yourself in the persistence and determination you had in achieving this goal. Good luck in the future pursuit of your dreams!

:yay: :yay: :yay:

[UndertheWire]

Congratulations, Kim. It has been so good to see you grow .

[Elle81]

That's awesome, AG! I'm so happy for you!:yay:

[Elle81]

Had an eye exam today and found out I have nearsightedness and astigmatism in both eyes. But the doctor said my eyesight was actually pretty good, it's just hard for me to read things sometimes. I told him that I read all the time and that I used to have prescription reading lenses until I lost them. So he prescribed me some, now I just have to go to Walmart eye center and get a pair made. I am actually really stoked to get them because that means that I'll be able to go see a movie on the big screen or read for a long time and not have a migraine afterwards.

in other news, I'm going to be working a New Year's Eve dance tomorrow night! It's going to be so awesome!

[KingWalsh]

Hey everyone! It's been a long time. Miss y'all. So much has been going on with everyone, and wish all an awesome New Years!! As for me, it's been busy with family stuff and life changes , reduce in my hours at work (it's all good), except for a loved one getting covid dispute being vaccinated. They experienced a sore throat which progressed to fever, cough, headache and severe tiredness. Not out of the woods yet, but could be been worse, and keep in positive. Glad to be back on the border :grouphug:

[FreyFollower]

Hey everyone! It's been a long time. Miss y'all. So much has been going on with everyone, and wish all an awesome New Years!! As for me, it's been busy with family stuff and life changes , reduce in my hours at work (it's all good), except for a loved one getting covid dispute being vaccinated. They experienced a sore throat which progressed to fever, cough, headache and severe tiredness. Not out of the woods yet, but could be been worse, and keep in positive. Glad to be back on the border :grouphug:

So good to have you back, KW! Hope your (and everyone's) ailing loved ones improve. May all your life complications sort out for the better!
I had a brother and family (all vaccinated) get Covid 2 weeks ago, but are all testing negative now.:)
KW---I appreciate your keeping us updated. :grouphug: With all that's happening, I worry about folks on the board who seem to have disappeared.:worried: We do care about you!
WF and Elle, hope that things continue to look up for you!:grin:
Congrats, AG!:thumbsup:

[New Kid In Town]

AG - CONGRATULATIONS ! Wishing you all the success in the world as you pursue your Masters. Wishing you good health, happiness and a great New Year ! :thumbsup::cheers::yay:


KW - Good to hear from you ! Happy to hear all is well ! Wishing you a Happy New Year !

I would like to wish all my Border friends a happy and healthy New Year. :cheers:
The way I look at it, 2022 can't get much worse than this year. It has been a terrible year and I am glad to see it go.
Six ( 6 ) members of my family have Covid. They were all vaccinated and boosted. Thankfully, their symptoms are mild and they are starting to feel better. Doctor said Omicron is so contagious you just have to be near someone who has it to get it. Stay safe everyone ! :grouphug:

[Elle81]

Thanks, FF. I hope as well.


Well, the New Years "Dance" I worked last night was more of a Hip-hop/raver. The music, thankfully was not too loud and they surprised me a bit by playing some old school hip-hop from the 80s and 90s. So it wasn't terribly bad. I had to guard a door and make sure no one went out it, So I basically just sat and watched young adults get wasted and act a fool all night. The only gripe I had was this: the name of the party was "Ball Drop" and yet they showed no ball drop. Nothing, not even a digital clock on the big screen counting down. The crowd just relied on the DJs to tell them when it was midnight. So that was pretty lame.

But thanks to Facebook, I was able to watch the ball drop in Times Square when I got back to the house. Still beats staying at the house and dealing with my terrible roommates.

Hope everyone had a great New Year's Eve. Here's to 2022!

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Glad to hear from you as well, KW. It's always good when some of our members check in after a long absence. Glad all is going well with you.


I would like to wish all my Border friends a happy and healthy New Year. :cheers: The way I look at it, 2022 can't get much worse than this year. It has been a terrible year and I am glad to see it go. Six ( 6 ) members of my family have Covid. They were all vaccinated and boosted. Thankfully, their symptoms are mild and they are starting to feel better. Doctor said Omicron is so contagious you just have to be near someone who has it to get it. Stay safe everyone ! :grouphug:

And NKIT I echo your sentiment 100%. Sending a virtual toast to all for a better 2022! :cheers:

[MarthaJo56]

I have a video consult with the cardiologist at Loma Linda tomorrow morning. I had a tachycardia episode a little over a week ago. I can usually take care of it with exercises, but my heart rate was up to 165bpm, and wouldn't slow down so I had Kevin take me to the ER. I will probably have to go down to Loma Linda Hospital for tests. I'm just hoping I can just take meds and not have to have a pacemaker or monitor put in.

So, to burn off stress energy today, I'm being very domestic by doing laundry, cleaning house, changing the bedding, and baking chocolate chip cookies.
I might do some sewing or crocheting, too. And I'll be making a pot of chili for dinner. I have my playlist with my favorite 70's music on, so I'm dancing around the house a bit. Gotta keep my mind & body busy. https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t6c/1/16/2764.pnghttps://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t77/1/16/1f3e1.png

[CAinOH]

I have a video consult with the cardiologist at Loma Linda tomorrow morning. I had a tachycardia episode a little over a week ago. I can usually take care of it with exercises, but my heart rate was up to 165bpm, and wouldn't slow down so I had Kevin take me to the ER. I will probably have to go down to Loma Linda Hospital for tests. I'm just hoping I can just take meds and not have to have a pacemaker or monitor put in.

So, to burn off stress energy today, I'm being very domestic by doing laundry, cleaning house, changing the bedding, and baking chocolate chip cookies.
I might do some sewing or crocheting, too. And I'll be making a pot of chili for dinner. I have my playlist with my favorite 70's music on, so I'm dancing around the house a bit. Gotta keep my mind & body busy. https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t6c/1/16/2764.pnghttps://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t77/1/16/1f3e1.png



Keeping good thoughts for you, Martha! My bff has a similar condition and she mostly controls it with medication. And, homemade chocolate chip cookies... yum! I don't make them because a lot of them don't even make it to the oven.

I had cataract surgery on my left eye last week. Everything went well, but I have to navigate with one eye focused, the other still needing glasses until February 22nd (surgery on my right eye). It is... interesting, to say the least. Got the left lens taken out of my regular glasses, but I didn't have them touch my monitor glasses. I may need to rectify that before this is all done.

[MarthaJo56]

Keeping good thoughts for you, Martha! My bff has a similar condition and she mostly controls it with medication. And, homemade chocolate chip cookies... yum! I don't make them because a lot of them don't even make it to the oven.

I had cataract surgery on my left eye last week. Everything went well, but I have to navigate with one eye focused, the other still needing glasses until February 22nd (surgery on my right eye). It is... interesting, to say the least. Got the left lens taken out of my regular glasses, but I didn't have them touch my monitor glasses. I may need to rectify that before this is all done.
I had cataract surgery on my right eye a few years ago. It didn't hurt, but was really freaky with all the colors during surgery. And it wicked itched after. But i can see so much better. Just need readers. I'm going to need it on my left eye soon.

[Elle81]

CA and Martha, I hope after everything, y'all start to feel better.:grouphug:


A bit of good news from me, after working as "contract labor" for my security company for the past four years, I finally got hired on full time this past week! I applied to two apartment complexes and one looks like I might have a chance of getting it. I'm still going to look around at other places too, but this gives me hope. And I also found out from one of my roommates that we don't have to move until the first week of April instead of the first of March, like I had thought. So that gives me a bit more time to save up.

I wish everyone here on the border good health and happiness on this Chinese New Year. Gong hei fat choy! Happy year of the tiger!

[AlreadyGone95]

My part time job has allowed me to finally start saving money for the first time in my adult life. I've set up an account with my bank that automatically takes a bit from each paycheck and puts it into the savings account. I'll probably try to stay at this job for a few more months before attempting to find full time employment (if my health allows). I've started the search into grad school. I'm about 95% positive I'm going into history (possibly public history). I enjoy working in a public library, but I much prefer being around academia. My boss is working on a M.S. in Library Science, and watching her do her work has turned me off of doing that. I've sent away for more information from a few universities within 2-4 hours of me. Just gotta see where the money is at, too. It's possible that I'll start in the Spring of 2023, but Fall of 2023 is more probable, being that most schools don't allow spring starts. I won't have enough saved up to apply and do everything before the Fall 2022 admission deadlines.

[WalshFan88]

AG95 - good luck.

CA - glad your surgery went well!

MarthaJo - feel better soon!


-------


I've been fairly absent on here for awhile now, I've kind of scaled back my online presence somewhat. For no major or singular reason. I've closed all but one of my social media accounts. I decided to keep Instagram but I deleted Facebook and Twittter and I have to say I don't miss those platforms. Now not all of my friends were the problem. 2/3rds to 3/4ths weren't. But I would have had to unfriend quite a few (10-15) and then explain it if it came up. Not something I want to do. I try to avoid conflict! They became cesspools for health misinformation, bullying, conspiracy crazies, and radical politics. I felt like I was being drug down into raging anger or feeling hopeless depending on what I was reading. Heart string pulling posts on one end and crazy hateful political posts on the other. And that's just Facebook. Twitter was more public and was people I didn't know so I had less emotional connection, but I would still read things that would make me want to reach through my screen and strangle the other person. It wasn't healthy anymore. I feel like a certain hateful community of people have taken over that platform and it's a community I don't respect nor do I tolerate. I feel like Instagram being that it's pictures is a harder one to be toxic on and is one I still enjoy. I can just follow people who post guitar pictures, food pictures, animal pictures, etc. Done. Don't follow the meme accounts or people just screenshotting their toxic FB/Twitter posts. I ended up closing a bunch of other tech-like accounts for services that I didn't use much and am trying to narrow my digital footprint and concentrate my focus on where I do want to interact and why. Mostly for no specific reason but I needed to decompress and destress. And I feel like as much as I support social media as not being terrible as some think and as much as I'm a techie and proud millenial, lol, I felt I needed to get away from the harsh realities of the world and just unplug for a bit, even with message boards where I'm (mostly) anonymous. I still use tech. I have no intention to leave The Border or my other guitar forum, but I just wanted to take a break from online interactions for a bit and I did. I had a "people break". I find that immersing myself in my own world and imagination is a great release or healing for when reality is just too much to bare or my anxiety regarding world events or the state of things becomes too hard to deal with. Perhaps some might say that's the wrong way to react or handle things or that it's child-like. But it works for me. It keeps me balanced and mentally sound. TEHO. I also have been listening to music, watching movies, playing games, playing guitar, and doing things that don't involve thinking about things actually happening to either myself, my family, or the world. I feel all of these changes have been helpful in making me feel better. I am pretty much focused on just a few areas of online communication now and it's under my thumb and I feel I can control what I see better and what I'm sensitive to can be avoided. It was a good detox and that's how I view it. It was a realization that something was making me feel like I didn't want to feel and be who I'm not.

Unfortunately, as of about 3 weeks ago I've been sick with an unknown illness. I have abnormal bloodwork and I'm in limbo waiting to see some specialists but I've had crippling pressure-like headaches in the back of my skull, little appetite (which is usually the least of my problems!), nausea, joint and muscle pain, and serious fatigue. It started with vomiting and I ended up in the ER needing IV fluids. The vomiting stopped as I was given nausea medication to take now (Zofran). They say that inflammation is high right now in my blood and I'm not getting any better and my 2nd set of repeat labs are even higher. We are thinking it's likely a rheumatological problem and so now I wait for an appointment. I feel like my mental health was just on the upswing when this hit me. The only thing that helps my headaches is caffeine, lying flat (which isn't something I want to do all darn day), and Tramadol. Tylenol and Motrin just don't do anything. I get the most relief from laying down, but if I'm up and about, caffeine makes it manageable and towards the end of the day I take a Tramadol so I can get it under control before I go to bed and try to relax because it will continue to increase throughout the day and even if I lay down, by that point it hurt so much I couldn't fall asleep. It's unlike any headache I've ever had. I've had migraines, tension headaches, sinus headaches, etc. This feels like an air compressor plugged into my head.

[FreyFollower]

WF-- Sorry about all you have been dealing with. Hoping your issues can be quickly diagnosed and taken care of.
And I think everyone could benefit from stepping away from the bombardment of (mostly bad) information that is the 21st century.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Continued best wishes for your health, Austin.

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, FF and Dreamer.

I'm going for a Brain MRI Thursday morning and more labs. It's looking to be some kind of vasculitis.

[CAinOH]

Take care, Austin. I'll be thinking of you!

Had my second cataract surgery two weeks ago. Now all that remains is a final check-up next week and eye drops for two more weeks. The weirdest thing about this whole deal is that I am no longer near-sighted. I don't think my brain has wrapped itself around that yet. And, the halos at night aren't fun, but they're subsiding somewhat. All went well... I am fine.

[FreyFollower]

Thank you, FF and Dreamer.

I'm going for a Brain MRI Thursday morning and more labs. It's looking to be some kind of vasculitis.
Not fun....they kept telling me to be still when I had one, and I would have swore I was! Hope you can get some answers, and they can give you some relief!:pray:

[FreyFollower]

Take care, Austin. I'll be thinking of you!

Had my second cataract surgery two weeks ago. Now all that remains is a final check-up next week and eye drops for two more weeks. The weirdest thing about this whole deal is that I am no longer near-sighted. I don't think my brain has wrapped itself around that yet. And, the halos at night aren't fun, but they're subsiding somewhat. All went well... I am fine.
Wonderful! After my Mom had cataract surgery, she did not get the desired results, and would never go back for them to correct it. They said "it sometimes happens". So glad yours went so well! :nod:

[WalshFan88]

Take care, Austin. I'll be thinking of you!

Had my second cataract surgery two weeks ago. Now all that remains is a final check-up next week and eye drops for two more weeks. The weirdest thing about this whole deal is that I am no longer near-sighted. I don't think my brain has wrapped itself around that yet. And, the halos at night aren't fun, but they're subsiding somewhat. All went well... I am fine.

Glad to hear it went well, CA!

I *hate* not being near sighted! I went through the same change after my cataract surgery last October. I have to use glasses to eat food off of a plate, let alone my phone or computer LOL! I always liked wearing glasses for distance, and being able to use them for everything without having to take them on and off like reading glasses or wear bifocals. Now, I'm using bifocals and while I'm slowly adjusting, I still miss my nearsightedness. Everything I do is up close with a screen of some kind, or a guitar, and I miss my nearsightedness. People pay money to fix it when they are young with LASIK and I'm like what?!?! :hilarious: I always saw it as an asset/benefit. I have a distance monofocal lens.

Also, my cataracts were causing haloes at night and went away with surgery! Very weird how it affects different people. I had posterior subcapsular cataracts from years of steroids I have to take for adrenal insufficiency. Those cataracts form right where the light enters the eye. There are three different places in the eye to get cataracts, but all are treated the same exact way. :) Being blind in one eye, I only had the right eye fixed. It was so nervewracking to have it done on my only good eye, and while I do miss nearsightedness, it was the right decision. Having only one eye and not being able to see much out of it with a grade 3 cataract was my breaking point to finally have it done.

[CAinOH]

Since forever, if I have trouble reading or focusing on anything, I've taken off my glasses and drawn the item closer. I took off my glasses to read, but I did have monitor glasses for my computer because I refused to get bifocals... I knew they'd drive me crazy. Pulling something close now means it goes out of focus. I had a heckuva time interpreting a screen shot someone sent me over the weekend, trying to get the url off it. I'm learning. I do use very mild readers for the computer now. I can read and use the computer without them, but they just let me eyes focus a little better, and my eyes don't tire so much using them.

Last week, I had a few days where I was questioning my sanity in having the procedure done. But it's getting better.

[LuvTim]

Everyone here, I am sending you my strongest best wishes for improvement in your health.
I hope you all get the very best care and recovery comes quickly. Love to you all. :hug:

[New Kid In Town]

Austin - I am so sorry to hear about your health problems. I hope you are feeling better and the tests help answer questions. My thoughts are with you !

CA - Glad to hear you are feeling better from the cataract surgery - it takes time. I had mine years ago and took time for my eyes to adjust. How are your eyes doing now that it has been a couple of weeks ?

[CAinOH]

CA - Glad to hear you are feeling better from the cataract surgery - it takes time. I had mine years ago and took time for my eyes to adjust. How are your eyes doing now that it has been a couple of weeks ?

I am doing better as far as haloes and fuzziness. Thanks for asking! Got some readers that are also blue-light blockers for my computer work, and that actually helped a lot. I can read the monitor without them, but using them just relaxes my eyes a bit.

[WalshFan88]

Thanks everyone.

[Scamp]

Glad to see you back WalshFan88. Pray you continue to see good results

[Ive always been a dreamer]

I am doing better as far as haloes and fuzziness. Thanks for asking! Got some readers that are also blue-light blockers for my computer work, and that actually helped a lot. I can read the monitor without them, but using them just relaxes my eyes a bit.

Well gosh - There must be something in The Border air because I recently had cataract surgery, too. I had both eyes done, but I still have severe astigmatism. Therefore, my nearsightedness can't be fully corrected and I still have to wear prescription glasses. I also have dry eye and since the world is much brighter since the surgery, I am really struggling with extreme light sensitivity. My doctor put me on Restasis, but that takes about 6 months to see results. CA, I was searching the web a few weeks ago about getting some blue-light blockers to see if that would help. Do you remember What kind you bought?

[CAinOH]

CA, I was searching the web a few weeks ago about getting some blue-light blockers to see if that would help. Do you remember What kind you bought?

Cheapie readers from Amazon:
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B09Q1ZPGKG/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Thanks a lot for the info, CA. Since I have prescription glasses, I'm going to have to go with clip-ons. But, I noticed that there is a really wide price range, so it's nice to know that the lower priced lenses work fine.

[New Kid In Town]

Dreamer - I hope the blue light blockers work for you. I also suffer from dry eye due to my wearing contacts for so many years. I have used Restasis in the past and it worked really well for me. My eyes started feeling better in less than six months. I have not used it recently as it is not covered by my prescription plan and is very expensive. I also suffer from light sensitivity and wear my sun glasses outside even on cloudy days. I hope both problems improve for you.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Thanks NKIT - I have been using the Restasis for almost 3 months now and have noticed some slight improvement, but it's definitely not the results I'm hoping for. It is really expensive. I even changed my prescription drug plan this year to get a lower price so I only have to pay $42.00 for a month's supply. In reality though, the 30-day supply lasts 60 days so that's a huge difference than the $600+ that I'd have to pay without the new plan. My doctor says I may end up having to have surgery for the light sensitivity if this doesn't help.

[Elle81]

Life update: Hey y'all! Haven't been on here in a hot minute, so I thought I'd give everyone an update on the dumpster fire that is my life.

I have less than two weeks left before our lease is up. My roommates, a trio from the fiery pits of the underworld, were able to secure themselves an apartment. I, on the other hand have not. I have been filling out application after application, but to no avail. My only way out of possible homelessness is another roommate situation. But I guess that's better than sleeping on a curb. This housing situation is nobody's fault but mine, as I should have done all these applications last year after I found out about the eviction. So there are times when I feel like I'm in quicksand.

On the job front, things are actually going quite well. I am working a lot and have made some great work buddies. One even has helped me sign up for a program that helps low income non-elderly disabled people find places to live, so that's good.

I did my taxes this year and even though I qualify and technically was issued a stimulus check, child support took most of it for arrears and I have yet to get the rest of the check in the mail. So knowing that, I don't have expectations when it comes to my actual tax return. The guy at Jackson Hewitt said I would get it, but it's not much. But hey, something's better than nothing.

So yeah. That's what's been happening in my life.

[WalshFan88]

I'm so very sorry to hear about this, Elle81. Best wishes that things change for you soon.

I think everyone including myself can feel extremely destitute and helpless at times. Some of us have a worse hand dealt to us at birth or at any point in our lives than the other people we may know in our own lives or even the majority of the people around you personally or in your city/town, but there is always a worse situation than the one we are in that we may not know about or know of the person going through it, even a remote stranger in another country. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, doesn't make it any less wrong or unjust to be put in that position, or fix your luck but it does make you feel not so alone in your situation of having it rougher than most and it certainly helps you to remember the things that might otherwise be unappreciated that you do still have that others may not and provides perspective and humility and gratitude, even if you feel like you have nothing to be proud of or thankful for you can always find something as no matter how isolating it may feel, there is someone in your situation, and even someone in a situation worse than that - you just may not know them or hear about it. Feeling alone is one of the worst things you can feel. And I don't just mean alone as in having no companion or friends. But rather feeling like you are in an injust situation and feeling you are the only one in said situation. I felt that for the majority of my youth. And I still can catch myself feeling like that. But you gain more perspective as time goes on and reading things like this is just another way to make you realize while you may not have much, you have something others may not. And rather than feeling boastful it humbles you and makes you realize you may have taken basic yet essential needs for granted.

[Elle81]

Thanks, Austin for those kind words. I actually have a bit of good news to share. I got a call back from an apartment that I had applied for and once they fix their glitchy computers (isn't technology wonderful? :|) then I can complete the application. The manager I talked to said once I submit the completed form, it should take a week to process. And she seemed super excited when she asked if I still wanted the apartment and I said yes. Hoping and praying to the housing gods that I get this.
In the meantime, I have an account on a roommate/house share website and am looking at other options. I know and understand all the dangers of this and I am only considering that as an absolute last resort.

[LuvTim]

I'm so very sorry to hear about this, Elle81. Best wishes that things change for you soon.

I think everyone including myself can feel extremely destitute and helpless at times. Some of us have a worse hand dealt to us at birth or at any point in our lives than the other people we may know in our own lives or even the majority of the people around you personally or in your city/town, but there is always a worse situation than the one we are in that we may not know about or know of the person going through it, even a remote stranger in another country. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, doesn't make it any less wrong or unjust to be put in that position, or fix your luck but it does make you feel not so alone in your situation of having it rougher than most and it certainly helps you to remember the things that might otherwise be unappreciated that you do still have that others may not and provides perspective and humility and gratitude, even if you feel like you have nothing to be proud of or thankful for you can always find something as no matter how isolating it may feel, there is someone in your situation, and even someone in a situation worse than that - you just may not know them or hear about it. Feeling alone is one of the worst things you can feel. And I don't just mean alone as in having no companion or friends. But rather feeling like you are in an injust situation and feeling you are the only one in said situation. I felt that for the majority of my youth. And I still can catch myself feeling like that. But you gain more perspective as time goes on and reading things like this is just another way to make you realize while you may not have much, you have something others may not. And rather than feeling boastful it humbles you and makes you realize you may have taken basic yet essential needs for granted.
Such an insightful post from a great young man! Beautiful response, Austin, you make me proud to "know" you, if only online. :-)

[LuvTim]

Thanks, Austin for those kind words. I actually have a bit of good news to share. I got a call back from an apartment that I had applied for and once they fix their glitchy computers (isn't technology wonderful? :|) then I can complete the application. The manager I talked to said once I submit the completed form, it should take a week to process. And she seemed super excited when she asked if I still wanted the apartment and I said yes. Hoping and praying to the housing gods that I get this.
In the meantime, I have an account on a roommate/house share website and am looking at other options. I know and understand all the dangers of this and I am only considering that as an absolute last resort.
Good luck, Elle, and hang on to the habit of hoping and praying! :-)

[Elle81]

Good luck, Elle, and hang on to the habit of hoping and praying! :-)
Thanks, LT. :hug:

[WalshFan88]

Such an insightful post from a great young man! Beautiful response, Austin, you make me proud to "know" you, if only online. :-)

Wow. Thank you so much.

I just felt like sharing that because I know how it is to feel completely helpless and alone in the sense of feeling like you are going through something no one else is or has and how isolating and even more unfair it will feel as a result, beyond just the initial facts of the matter. It doesn't help and it can really spiral out of control. To know someone else is in a similar or same situation helps. And knowing that someone is in a worse place certainly helps bring you back down to earth and appreciate things you may not have before. I certainly have skated very close to the edge of depression before, and I've attempted suicide before as a teen and ended up in the hospital. A lot of it had to do with school bullying and the health situation I was in combined and feeling so alone and unheard and I'm thankful I made it through it. None of that experience was fun, but it was essential not only to save my life itself but to help me feel understood and heard. That band-aid had to be ripped off at once and it hurt.

Medication and therapy go a long way of course and I'm still doing both. I don't do therapy that much now but at least 3 or 4 times a year. I think having someone neutral and unconnected there to hear you out without feeling like you're burdening loved ones with these thoughts and feelings is so helpful, even though I've never been made to feel like a burden, I naturally worry about that because not only do I carry my own load of anxiety, I tend to pick up on everyone else around me that I care about and take on their worries and concerns like a sponge. It's something I'm cognizant of and I know it's not good for me, but I can't not do that. It's something I've worked on for years and made no progress if I'm being honest. I still add even more stress when others around me are struggling or hurting. It definitely makes my struggle that much harder because there is no way to perfectly line everything up all the time where I *and* the people around me are all feeling good and have no worries. It's usually one, the other, or both. And of course I'm that way, so I assume everyone around me is too so I naturally smile when I don't feel like it or downplay/hide how I'm feeling because I don't want to worry family and I'm a pretty closed off person in real life and wear things close to the vest.

[Elle81]

Because the computer glitched, my application was late and I was denied the apartment. The good thing though is that our lease was extended for another week, so that gives me a little bit more time to find another place or rent a motel room. I'm trying to look on the bright side, at least we aren't being forced out today.

[Elle81]

I found out last night that my sister was rushed to the hospital with kidney stones. And since she is in California and I'm here in Utah, I can't simply go and see her. I wish I had a place to live and the extra money to go right now.

I was able to talk to the nurse and her boyfriend and they both said that right now, the doctors are trying to get her fever down and get her to pass the stones on her own. And if that doesn't work, then they'll take her to surgery.
I am so worried. :worried:

[WalshFan88]

I found out last night that my sister was rushed to the hospital with kidney stones. And since she is in California and I'm here in Utah, I can't simply go and see her. I wish I had a place to live and the extra money to go right now.

I was able to talk to the nurse and her boyfriend and they both said that right now, the doctors are trying to get her fever down and get her to pass the stones on her own. And if that doesn't work, then they'll take her to surgery.
I am so worried. :worried:

I'm sorry to hear this. Best wishes for your sister.

When it rains it truly pours...

[Elle81]

I'm sorry to hear this. Best wishes for your sister.

When it rains it truly pours...

Right? :|


Thanks for the well wishes, dude. I haven't had any update since earlier today.

[Elle81]

Got kind of a update on my sister. One of her friends came to the hospital and gave her her cell phone, so now she can text and she texted me a little bit. So that's good.

And today I went and faxed over an application for an apartment, and almost immediately got a call from the leasing manager. So I'm meeting with her tomorrow, so hopefully I get this place. And move out day is coming soon, so I really hope I get it. Because if I don't, then I'm looking into motels. And that ain't cheap.

[Elle81]

hey y'all
just wanted to come on and say that my sister is doing better. She's home, but with a tube in her kidneys still draining fluid. There apparently is one last kidney stone that hasn't passed yet. And if it doesn't pass, then they'll do surgery.


And apparently, because I have no credit, I won't be approved for this apartment that I was applying for. Like I said on facebook, I seriously am wondering if the job is worth living here. And honestly, I don't know. I am so upset right now, I don't know what to do. :depressed::weep:

[FreyFollower]

hey y'all
just wanted to come on and say that my sister is doing better. She's home, but with a tube in her kidneys still draining fluid. There apparently is one last kidney stone that hasn't passed yet. And if it doesn't pass, then they'll do surgery.


And apparently, because I have no credit, I won't be approved for this apartment that I was applying for. Like I said on facebook, I seriously am wondering if the job is worth living here. And honestly, I don't know. I am so upset right now, I don't know what to do. :depressed::weep:

Elle, I'm glad your sister is better, and hope she continues to improve.

Have you checked into government housing? I have friends in different types, and they're not all bad. These people are working, single, and without children, but still qualify. You should check with your local office. Even if you don't qualify for subsidized rental, you could qualify for a home. They might could steer you to other affordable options, if not. When she was young, my mother went to a large house where an elderly widow lived alone, and asked if she would consider renting out a room for a small amount + help around the house, and she got it!

But, maybe another area is more suitable to where you are right now. You may do some research on other areas, and what other work/living arrangements are available elsewhere. Just remember whatever you get is a stepping stone toward something better that is meant for you! Good Luck.

[New Kid In Town]

hey y'all
just wanted to come on and say that my sister is doing better. She's home, but with a tube in her kidneys still draining fluid. There apparently is one last kidney stone that hasn't passed yet. And if it doesn't pass, then they'll do surgery.


And apparently, because I have no credit, I won't be approved for this apartment that I was applying for. Like I said on facebook, I seriously am wondering if the job is worth living here. And honestly, I don't know. I am so upset right now, I don't know what to do. :depressed::weep:

Elle81 - Glad to hear your sister is doing better and wishing a complete recovery for her.
FF has given some good ideas. I know people who have rented rooms in houses and it gave them the chance to save some money for an apartment. Have you checked into living with a roommate ? Wishing you good luck.

[WalshFan88]

Elle81 - glad to hear your sister is doing better. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with housing.

[Elle81]

Elle81 - glad to hear your sister is doing better. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with housing.

Thanks, dude. I haven't found a place yet (found out that no one will rent to someone with no credit and no co-signer) , and tomorrow is move out day. I am going to stay with my current roommates just for the weekend to help them unpack. But then I'm going to stay in a hotel for at least a week. I'm going to ask my co-workers if they know anybody willing to sublet. I've also talked to my doctor and she once again is going to have someone from social services to try and help me.

And I talked to my sister earlier today and it sounds like she is almost back to her bratty self. She still has one kidney stone that hasn't passed, but her infection might be going away. When that happens, then the doctors can operate and get that stone out.

[Elle81]

Elle81 - Glad to hear your sister is doing better and wishing a complete recovery for her.
FF has given some good ideas. I know people who have rented rooms in houses and it gave them the chance to save some money for an apartment. Have you checked into living with a roommate ? Wishing you good luck.

Thanks NKIT, I have been looking all over for a roommate, or at least an apartment to sublet for a while. But either I always get online when they get off or they don't post for weeks. It's just my luck. But I refuse to give up hope.

[Elle81]

Elle, I'm glad your sister is better, and hope she continues to improve.

Have you checked into government housing? I have friends in different types, and they're not all bad. These people are working, single, and without children, but still qualify. You should check with your local office. Even if you don't qualify for subsidized rental, you could qualify for a home. They might could steer you to other affordable options, if not. When she was young, my mother went to a large house where an elderly widow lived alone, and asked if she would consider renting out a room for a small amount + help around the house, and she got it!

But, maybe another area is more suitable to where you are right now. You may do some research on other areas, and what other work/living arrangements are available elsewhere. Just remember whatever you get is a stepping stone toward something better that is meant for you! Good Luck.

Thanks, FF. I have been calling and talking to a lot of people, and have gotten on some lists for government subsidies, and affordable housing waitlists. I think my best bet is to find a place that doesn't require credit checks.

[WalshFan88]

Thanks, dude. I haven't found a place yet (found out that no one will rent to someone with no credit and no co-signer) , and tomorrow is move out day. I am going to stay with my current roommates just for the weekend to help them unpack. But then I'm going to stay in a hotel for at least a week. I'm going to ask my co-workers if they know anybody willing to sublet. I've also talked to my doctor and she once again is going to have someone from social services to try and help me.

And I talked to my sister earlier today and it sounds like she is almost back to her bratty self. She still has one kidney stone that hasn't passed, but her infection might be going away. When that happens, then the doctors can operate and get that stone out.

I'm glad your sister is doing better! Wishing good luck with finding housing.

[Elle81]

Well today is my birthday and I am typing this from a room at a very loud Motel 6. There are dogs barking and fighting all the time and the people in the next room over are constantly arguing. But at least I'm not on the street. I have the room for a week and then I don't know where I'll be. I hope I can get into some kind of emergency shelter.

[WalshFan88]

Well today is my birthday and I am typing this from a room at a very loud Motel 6. There are dogs barking and fighting all the time and the people in the next room over are constantly arguing. But at least I'm not on the street. I have the room for a week and then I don't know where I'll be. I hope I can get into some kind of emergency shelter.

Please take care and know that we are here if you need to talk.

[Elle81]

Please take care and know that we are here if you need to talk.

Thank you and I know I can always count on someone here to talk to. That's why I love y'all. :grouphug:

I was able to talk to a coworker and she agreed to let me stay at her house on Monday night. I did get a call back from an apartment that said they had a unit available and that they don't do co-signers. So I just need to ask the bank for a loan as my bank accounts are currently not high enough to afford the rent and application fee. And I'm going to go meet with the manager on Tuesday and fill out the proper application. Hopefully I'll get it.

[WalshFan88]

Thank you and I know I can always count on someone here to talk to. That's why I love y'all. :grouphug:

I was able to talk to a coworker and she agreed to let me stay at her house on Monday night. I did get a call back from an apartment that said they had a unit available and that they don't do co-signers. So I just need to ask the bank for a loan as my bank accounts are currently not high enough to afford the rent and application fee. And I'm going to go meet with the manager on Tuesday and fill out the proper application. Hopefully I'll get it.

Good to hear!

[Glennsallnighter]

Best of luck with the Apartment Elle. I hope you got it.

[MarthaJo56]

Today, we are driving 4 hours, back to my hometown region of the Inland Empire. We're staying at an Airbnb tonight, and tomorrow I am going to have a heart ablation procedure. For years I've had SVTs (tachycardia). I'm finally going to get it taken care of!!!
But...the most exciting part, is tonight!!! Raincross Drive (our local band with Glenn's cousin, Kelly) is playing a free concert, and we'll be there!!

[FreyFollower]

Today, we are driving 4 hours, back to my hometown region of the Inland Empire. We're staying at an Airbnb tonight, and tomorrow I am going to have a heart ablation procedure. For years I've had SVTs (tachycardia). I'm finally going to get it taken care of!!!
But...the most exciting part, is tonight!!! Raincross Drive (our local band with Glenn's cousin, Kelly) is playing a free concert, and we'll be there!!



Hoping all went well for you, MJ! Here's to an easy and speedy recovery!👍
So glad you had perfect timing and got to see Kelly and his group while there.😁

[New Kid In Town]

Today, we are driving 4 hours, back to my hometown region of the Inland Empire. We're staying at an Airbnb tonight, and tomorrow I am going to have a heart ablation procedure. For years I've had SVTs (tachycardia). I'm finally going to get it taken care of!!!
But...the most exciting part, is tonight!!! Raincross Drive (our local band with Glenn's cousin, Kelly) is playing a free concert, and we'll be there!!



MJ - Wishing you a quick recovery. So glad you were able to enjoy Raincross before your surgery. Take care.

[MarthaJo56]

Thanks everyone! I am home and healing well. It was a simple procedure, but still very traumatic.
Raincross drive was incredible as always My friend Jana & I were chatting with Kelly for a bit. He said "I'm gonna tell you a secret. Glenn Frey is my cousin". We told him we knew already. I was going to ask him if they were close etc. but my friend Jana is very chatty and I barely got word in edge-wise. I don't know if this will work, but I'll try. It's a video that Jana sent me this morning. https://www.facebook.com/100001016895315/videos/328905119324304/
2653

If not openable, I have this one that I took that night...if I can load it. If not here's a couple of new pics of me & Kelly. I'll keep trying with the videos. :):):)
26512652

[WalshFan88]

Glad to hear everything went well MJ56!

That stuff is nothing to mess around with. Any kind of heart arrythmia like SVT, A Fib, QT prolongation, etc is something to get treated. It's one thing to have some extra beats like PVCs or PACs or have a bundle branch block. Dad and I both have right BBB's so I know where I got it from! But so many people only think of the structural issues of the heart like heart attacks, congestive heart failure, valves, etc. That's only one side of the story that is the heart. You think of echocardiograms and heart catheterizations and and open heart surgery, etc. The electrical system is just as important and can be just as deadly if suddenly that abnormal rhythm turns into something worse like V Tach or V Fib which can kill someone so fast. Thankfully with the advent of ablations, medications, pacemaker/defibrillators, cardioversions, etc these electrical conditions are treatable.

12 lead EKGs in my humble opinion should be included as part of your yearly physical. Most of the time they aren't, but I think they should be. If you are getting blood drawn, you should also get an EKG. And compare them year over year. Any changes are significant when you have a new finding not on prior EKGs. EKGs should never change, especially on a year-over-year basis. Once you're an adult, your EKG should remain stable. Any change to the waveform has to be addressed. Especially sneakier things like prolongation of the QT interval. Because that can cause sudden drop death with Torsades de Pointes, a type of sudden V Tach. Related to it is things like the Brugada Syndrome and Long QT syndrome. In some people, it's genetic and congenital and it's caught early. In others, it can be coming from some medications you take and that is downright scary!

I think these Apple Watches will be a great big help for us in detecting people with underlying electrical heart disorders. Will it feed some level of hypochondriasis in some people obsessively running the EKG function looking for something that isn't there, sure, but the 5 or 6 that go in for "nothing" for every one with an actual problem will be worth the hassle if you can find one person with a life threatening abnormality and potentially save their life. Until EKGs are more annually administered, my hope is that the smartwatches will help us in getting more and more people accurately diagnosed, informed, and treated. And hopefully someone on the Android/Google side will step up to the plate for those out there who don't use an iPhone. Android smart watches can tell your pulse but the EKG and abnormal rhythm detection is nowhere near as good yet. I hope they catch up soon. That's just more people that can potentially find out they have a problem. Because Apple Watches do require an iPhone.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Glad to hear you are healing well, MJ. And great timing to get to see Raincross Drive. I couldn't get the link to work, but I love your pictures with Kelly.

[WalshFan88]

Well, it's been a bit since I've posted an update. My life is a bit of a mess right now. My physical health has been hanging in there but unfortunately my mental health is not ok or should I say wasn't ok. I've been really struggling for a while now and so I thought I'd share in case others might benefit from hearing about it or not feeling alone. For years I felt like I was the only one who felt the way I did, something I learned isn't true.

Unfortunately, about a month ago I hit a really low point in my life that seemingly came on a bit unexpectedly. No major upset or loss. But I was feeling worsening anxiety, worsening OCD, and needed to check with my psychiatrist and my therapist for a tune up to say the least. Along the way I got put on some new medication and adjusted doses of current ones. One of the new ones tried sent me on a spiral to what had been the lowest depression I had had since the last time I was in the hospital (I've been twice for suicide attempts) which would have been in high school and I'm now 33. I was narrowly able to keep from getting admitted to the hospital because my family could watch me continuously for 24 hours while I was able to abruptly stop that medicine and get the suicidal thoughts to stop before having to be admitted if that didn't work. Luckily the medicine wore off and I went back to the doctor and was ok to continue with home care and my other meds. Unfortunately, some less than desirable down-in-the-dumps negative pessimistic (and frankly irrational and untrue) thoughts and feelings and some lack of interest/pleasure continued but I was no longer feeling suicidal/in crisis. I'm now feeling much better but still not 100 percent back to where I was before I started that anxiety medication.

The problem is - anxiety/OCD and major depression require two very different medications. What works for psychosis, mania, anxiety, or OCD is very different than what works for depression, catatonia, etc. And if you're unfortunate enough to have both, you know that delicate balance well. The old phrase "robbing Peter to pay Paul" comes to mind. Anxiety often requires what I'll call the "downers" or things to slow your mind down, lower your excitability, etc. Well as you might figure, depression needs things that do the opposite. They need some uppers or things that lift you up, get your neurons firing more, and put some spunk in your step. Unfortunately, either medication can cause the other problem to appear and boy howdy did it. The problem is I was getting so anxious that I was having meltdowns and periods where I felt like I was way overreacting, and I was desperate for a new treatment despite having tried so many drugs before. I don't respond super great to psychotherapy and so a lot of this is strictly medication management and therapy visits are just a place to vent rather than try to change my mind on things which doesn't go real great despite trying my best and have been for the past 20 plus years. So, I am now trying a different medication for anxiety, and I've been on it about a week, and I can say that while my anxiety isn't perfect, this medication isn't making me suicidal and it is helping it seems, if only just a little bit.

For those unaware, I'm also on the autism spectrum, despite the high functioning realm. I have what used to be classed as Asperger's Syndrome, now known as High Functioning Autism. Coupling that with major depression, anxiety, and OCD means that I'm a tough nut to crack and it requires a lot of work on the part of me, my family, and the psychiatrist to keep me feeling well just like I very much rely on medical doctors like my endocrinologist or my internal medicine doctor or any other specialists to keep my physical health in check with my panhypopituitarism and making sure my bloodwork is always as it should. It's always a struggle from every angle being me, but I know I'm not alone and I'm grateful to have the family I do and the support network in place I do that keeps me safe from physical and mental calamities. Mental health is still health. Period. And while I'm grateful to not have something as severely debilitating or dangerous day-to-day as say, schizophrenia or manic-depressive/bipolar disorder, major depression and anxiety and OCD are still a major problem for a lot of people in the world and definitely can cost you quality of life like a medical condition could. But there is treatment. I'm proof not everything works but in the face of adversity, keep trying to get better anyway.

Lastly, while at home hanging out, I watched some Eagles DVDs. After all it was the Eagles who saved my life with Hotel California back in the day. And I have to say watching Hell Freezes Over and Farewell 1, I was feeling better. It was good therapy and encouraged me to get my guitar out.

Take care of yourselves out there,

-Austin/WF88

[FreyFollower]

WF: I am so sorry with all you have been suffering through lately. I'm sure it has been overwhelming. The human mind is so complicated, and difficult to treat. I have a close relative on the Autism spectrum. They have never been able to get meds right where they don't have extreme anxiety and explosive emotional breakdowns. So frustrating, upsetting, and exhausting. My mom has long tried different anxiety/depression/OCD drugs with mixed results. Over 20 years ago she had a brain tumor. Now she is 85 with rather bad dementia, and the DR. recently doubled her meds for that. But with her different issues, knowing what problems are causing what difficulties, and what medication needs adjusting is a mess.

I can certainly understand how terrible everything has been for you lately. I'm so glad you are better, and you keep seeking solutions and fighting! You are a very strong person, and we believe in you! Music is a wonderful oasis for the mind. I hope it continues to encourage you in your journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you!:hug:

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, FF.

It's been a real struggle for my mental health the last few years it seems but this year it has seemingly starting coming off the tracks and so it's something I had to take care of. Unfortunately in the process to get better I had to take some things that made me very unwell in another way but the tides are turning back. I still have tremendous worrying, anxiety, and stress but I have to be careful what I take to combat that. Hopefully soon I will be able to find something that is safe and that works for me. Fingers crossed.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Austin - I'm sorry for the slow response, but my board time has been very limited lately. As always, I wish you the best. Please take care of yourself and make sure that you get as much help as you need. Hugs and prayers for you.

[UndertheWire]

Thank you for the update, Austin. By sharing the details of your menal and physical health, you give me greater knowledge - and hopefully - understanding of the world. For example, I had never really thought about the difference between anxiety and depression and that the treatments were opposite but after your explantion it seems obvious. I wouldn't have guessed that you were high-functioning austistic but I do know other people with this diagnostic and it's certainly not the first thing you would think of when you meet them. One of them wasn't diagnosed until she was in her 50s!

I hope you manage to find a good balance with all these conditions and treatments.

[WalshFan88]

Thanks Dreamer and UtW.

It's a lot to handle at once and seemingly out of control, but I'm really hoping for a brighter future soon. Then again I feel I've been saying that even before COVID was a thing and lord knows that didn't help matters any. Seems like ever since 2019 my life has been pretty low. It's hard to be overly optimistic when you've seen year-after-year not much improve if not things getting worse at times. That said, I know in the big picture there are certainly people worse off than me. Does it make my symptoms and troubles go away no it doesn't. Does it make you not feel so alone and feel grateful for what I do have going for me, absolutely. I feel about 80 percent of my life that was tainted was done at birth with the health problems I was given that are life long calamities. The rest of it is a combination of school bullying, general life struggles, etc. I feel only a very small part, maybe 5 or 10 percent is actually something I can do something about. Which can feel destitute and hopeless, but remembering those children dying with cancer or those who are homeless and starving sure put things in a better and more grateful perspective. It doesn't make my suffering any less, but there are certainly those with even more than I.

[sodascouts]

Thanks Dreamer and UtW.

It's a lot to handle at once and seemingly out of control, but I'm really hoping for a brighter future soon. Then again I feel I've been saying that even before COVID was a thing and lord knows that didn't help matters any. Seems like ever since 2019 my life has been pretty low. It's hard to be overly optimistic when you've seen year-after-year not much improve if not things getting worse at times. That said, I know in the big picture there are certainly people worse off than me. Does it make my symptoms and troubles go away no it doesn't. Does it make you not feel so alone and feel grateful for what I do have going for me, absolutely. I feel about 80 percent of my life that was tainted was done at birth with the health problems I was given that are life long calamities. The rest of it is a combination of school bullying, general life struggles, etc. I feel only a very small part, maybe 5 or 10 percent is actually something I can do something about. Which can feel destitute and hopeless, but remembering those children dying with cancer or those who are homeless and starving sure put things in a better and more grateful perspective. It doesn't make my suffering any less, but there are certainly those with even more than I.

I'm sorry you have to deal with so much, Austin. Hang in there! Big hugs to you. I'll be thinking about you and sending prayers and love.

[WalshFan88]

I'm sorry you have to deal with so much, Austin. Hang in there! Big hugs to you. I'll be thinking about you and sending prayers and love.

Thanks so much, Soda.

[Scamp]

WF
So much to deal with. I saw you said how listen to the music help. I like to listen to Joe speaking at the Ohio AA meeting. For some reason I find it relaxing. While I did have the alcohol problem in the 70's -90's and at times couldn't remember driving home from Hollywood sometimes who I saw. It was almost like it went with the music scene
I find listening Joe just talking openly about all his problems, sometimes with some humor and other times very serious really helps me keep it together. It's like just hearing the sound of his voice helps. I quit drinking in 1990, but it's something you live with and have to watch for the rest of your life. As I'm sure you have to do too
I'm not that good with putting words down so I hope you get my meaning
I pray you keep fighting. Power and Strength to you.
Bonnie (Scamp)

PS here's the link in case you want to listen to him I know I've posted it here but save you looking for it

https://fstrecovery.com/2020/07/16/eagles-band-member-joe-walsh-is-amazing-aa-speaker/

[groupie2686]

WalshFan, I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through. I used to work with someone who also had a hard time finding a balance of medication for different conditions. After a few months her doctors found something that worked for her and she's doing much better now. Sending good thoughts your way - I hope things get better for you soon!

I haven't been on here much lately...I've developed tendonitis in my arm/elbow and typing can be really painful sometimes. I watched Almost Famous tonight and realized how much I miss talking to you all! I hope everyone here is doing well.

[Scamp]

groupie2686
I know your pain. I had it in my left elbow, and I'm right handed. Hit my elbow every time I pushed a door open, couldn't even raise my hand and push my glasses up. Funny thing was it didn't bother me riding my motorcycle but I couldn't bring my hand up to unzip my jacket. I could carry things with my left arm but couldn't lift with it. It really affected my first three fingers and my thumb. Work related so they sent me to the doctor and he gave me a cortisone shot twice and didn't work. He told me when I find the exact spot mark it with a pen and call him. I did and he got me in right away and gave me another shot. It hit the spot and I could feel it right away. It was almost instant relief. 25+ years later and still no problems. Have you tried cortisone? Hope you get better. I know how painful it can be. "Tennis elbow" without playing tennis.
If I known then what I know now, I would had a hell of a lot more fun. Get better...

[FreyFollower]

Hey, Groupie! Hope your arm is on the mend! I've missed you, too! And I also hope everyone is OK. So many long time regulars have been missing. Sometimes days with nary a post. Wishing everyone well, and hope life's downers and challenges soon pass!:grouphug:

I will always be your friend
You are not alone
---Glenn

[New Kid In Town]

WalshFan, I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through. I used to work with someone who also had a hard time finding a balance of medication for different conditions. After a few months her doctors found something that worked for her and she's doing much better now. Sending good thoughts your way - I hope things get better for you soon!

I haven't been on here much lately...I've developed tendonitis in my arm/elbow and typing can be really painful sometimes. I watched Almost Famous tonight and realized how much I miss talking to you all! I hope everyone here is doing well.

Hi Groupie - Missed you ! Hope your elbow is starting to feel better. I have suffered from "tennis elbow" too. Hurts like anything. I have had cortisone shots(not for the elbow though) and they worked well for me. Fell better !

Austin, I have not been here very often lately, so I hope that you are feeling better and your doctors have been able to find medications that are working for you.

[groupie2686]

Thanks everyone! I haven't had a cortisone shot yet - I heard it can damage the tendon long term - but I'm getting to the point where I'm willing to try it. It's my right arm and I'm right handed so it makes even everyday things painful sometimes. Thanks for the good thoughts everyone!

[WalshFan88]

Groupie - I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with that. Before I had both my hips replaced I had to try a steroid injection in each of them first. The first set lasted a month or so, the second did nothing and we went on to surgery. Thank you for the kind words.

NKIT - Thank you very much. I'm still in a low spot but I'm "maintaining" as best as I can. I'm definitely not as low as I was, but I still feel somedays of the week that living isn't worth it anymore. My folks and my family keep me around. :)

[Elle81]

Hello Everyone!
Long time no hear from, huh?

Life Update: Boy is it good to be back on the border! It's been a crazy couple of months. I was able to get into a transitional housing hotel and I'm there for six months. and after those six months, my case is reevaluated and if I pass with flying colors I can stay longer. My biggest problem with getting my own place has been my credit, which I am slowly working on fixing. I am very grateful for this place and the manager and other tenants are super nice.

Work is going very well. I am working a lot of conventions and concerts and thankfully because it's now Fall, collegiate sport is back. So I will be working a bunch of football for both U of U and BYU.

My health is ok. I have been going to see a therapist who has been incredibly helpful. He put me on meds to combat my depression and anxiety, and it's been hit or miss with them. The fires in the west have made my asthma worse. But thankfully I have rescue inhalers and am still on Advair to help me breathe without asphyxiating, Lol.

I was a bit sad to hear the Fastlane facebook page is ending, however I quickly joined the facebook group "Eagles appreciation group" that L and M started, and it's been a nice substitute.

I have missed you all here on the border, I hope everyone is well. I don't have wifi where I am, but luckily the library is literally on the next corner. So I'll be coming here quite a bit and keep y'all updated.

[Glennsallnighter]

Great to hear that things are going well for you Elle, I hope they continue to do so.

Austin, hang in there. Are you having an Ausfest this year?

I had a good summer, with holidays in Palermo in Italy (for a friends wedding) and then spending chunks of time in our holiday home in Galway. But as always it went Waaay too fast.
My kids are all grown up now. I'm no longer engaged with Secondary School as a parent as my Son did his leaving Cert in June and is ready to go to Pilot college in 2023.
So I'm back at work for another year. Its funny how the work always expands to fit the time available to it but the time never seems to expand to fit the work that has to be done. Hopefully another 5 or so years should see me through to retirement so I'm trying to get my 'pension ducks' in a row!!

Hope everyone else here is doing well!

[Elle81]

Great to hear that things are going well for you Elle, I hope they continue to do so.

Austin, hang in there. Are you having an Ausfest this year?

I had a good summer, with holidays in Palermo in Italy (for a friends wedding) and then spending chunks of time in our holiday home in Galway. But as always it went Waaay too fast.
My kids are all grown up now. I'm no longer engaged with Secondary School as a parent as my Son did his leaving Cert in June and is ready to go to Pilot college in 2023.
So I'm back at work for another year. Its funny how the work always expands to fit the time available to it but the time never seems to expand to fit the work that has to be done. Hopefully another 5 or so years should see me through to retirement so I'm trying to get my 'pension ducks' in a row!!

Hope everyone else here is doing well!
Thanks, GA. And congrats on your son!

[WalshFan88]

Elle - glad to hear things have been a little better.

As someone with severe depression, anxiety, and OCD I can attest to the fact that medication is a mixed bag and very hit or miss. I'm particularly prone to paradoxical reactions where you take something for a problem and it makes the problem way worse. Especially with depression. And although I'm not bipolar or manic-depressive, some medications can push me into that if I'm not careful and that's not something I normally ever deal with. I mean I cannot take melatonin because I have hallucinations and delusions that are like the movie A Beautiful Mind or what is referred to as Schizophrenia. I never have trouble with that but basically we found out because some of my structural brain abnormalities from birth are where melatonin is naturally made, taking extra for sleep regulation actually caused psychosis and I felt like I had a chip inside of me and was being tracked by the government. And it was just an over the counter sleep aid. I have an abnormal hypothalamus which is where that chemical is made and basically taking more of it caused my brain to go haywire. For depression I've had the best effect from Effexor and Remeron which is a powerful combination used only for resistant cases of severe depression. For anxiety/OCD I take BuSpar and a half a milligram of Haldol. It's the only thing I've found to help other than psychotherapy and frankly at times just hanging on.

The next thing I'm on the list to try for depression is Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation - which is a relatively new treatment that involves placing magnets around the brain to reactivate the part of the brain that is asleep with depression. As a family my folks and I have decided I will never do Electroconvulsive Therapy. We are just really worried about the memory loss and my physical health issues possibly making that more risky. Only if I was suicidal and nothing was working would we ever go there with that one. There is also Ketamine therapy which is something you go and get IV's of a medication called Ketamine but sadly we are in a rural area and that is not offered here. Just ECT or TMS.

-------

GA - We are not having Ausfest this year sadly.

We just moved and have sold off the house and the property and cabin where we always held Ausfest. Our plan is to try to put something together at my grandparents barn perhaps next late summer/early fall and do it then. It will be a big change. I still have the memories though. We had a good run of 2010-2019. We didn't do anything in 2020 or 2021 because of COVID being so deadly but we had almost a decade of fun every single year and that means a lot to me. We will get together again in a different place and I'm sure it will be fun also. The last couple years have been hard for me and part of it is missing jamming at Ausfest and gigging out with the guys in the summer. I really hope 2023 will be the restart of Ausfest and we can still have the big crowds and big fun we did for a long time. If not, it was a good run and it was something I will always cherish!

[Elle81]

Elle - glad to hear things have been a little better.

As someone with severe depression, anxiety, and OCD I can attest to the fact that medication is a mixed bag and very hit or miss. I'm particularly prone to paradoxical reactions where you take something for a problem and it makes the problem way worse. Especially with depression. And although I'm not bipolar or manic-depressive, some medications can push me into that if I'm not careful and that's not something I normally ever deal with. I mean I cannot take melatonin because I have hallucinations and delusions that are like the movie A Beautiful Mind or what is referred to as Schizophrenia. I never have trouble with that but basically we found out because some of my structural brain abnormalities from birth are where melatonin is naturally made, taking extra for sleep regulation actually caused psychosis and I felt like I had a chip inside of me and was being tracked by the government. And it was just an over the counter sleep aid. I have an abnormal hypothalamus which is where that chemical is made and basically taking more of it caused my brain to go haywire. For depression I've had the best effect from Effexor and Remeron which is a powerful combination used only for resistant cases of severe depression. For anxiety/OCD I take BuSpar and a half a milligram of Haldol. It's the only thing I've found to help other than psychotherapy and frankly at times just hanging on.

The next thing I'm on the list to try for depression is Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation - which is a relatively new treatment that involves placing magnets around the brain to reactivate the part of the brain that is asleep with depression. As a family my folks and I have decided I will never do Electroconvulsive Therapy. We are just really worried about the memory loss and my physical health issues possibly making that more risky. Only if I was suicidal and nothing was working would we ever go there with that one. There is also Ketamine therapy which is something you go and get IV's of a medication called Ketamine but sadly we are in a rural area and that is not offered here. Just ECT or TMS.

-------

GA - We are not having Ausfest this year sadly.

We just moved and have sold off the house and the property and cabin where we always held Ausfest. Our plan is to try to put something together at my grandparents barn perhaps next late summer/early fall and do it then. It will be a big change. I still have the memories though. We had a good run of 2010-2019. We didn't do anything in 2020 or 2021 because of COVID being so deadly but we had almost a decade of fun every single year and that means a lot to me. We will get together again in a different place and I'm sure it will be fun also. The last couple years have been hard for me and part of it is missing jamming at Ausfest and gigging out with the guys in the summer. I really hope 2023 will be the restart of Ausfest and we can still have the big crowds and big fun we did for a long time. If not, it was a good run and it was something I will always cherish!
I'm taking BuSpar too! and Zoloft, and a sleep med that sadly has been giving me nightmares. However they're not as bad as the nightmares that I had while on Trazodone earlier this summer. So, progress! :hilarious:

[WalshFan88]

I'm taking BuSpar too! and Zoloft, and a sleep med that sadly has been giving me nightmares. However they're not as bad as the nightmares that I had while on Trazodone earlier this summer. So, progress! :hilarious:

Unfortunately I don't get along with any SSRIs - which is what Zoloft is. I've tried SSRIs which actually cause me to become suicidal, and I've tried tricyclic and MAOIs which did nothing for me. SNRIs are the best thing for me and that's what Effexor is. I also do well with Remeron which is in its own class of medication called NASSA's. I also don't do well with the anticonvulsant/antiseizure medications or the newer atypical antipsychotic meds. The older typical antipsychotic meds like Haldol are ok and I don't use them for that but rather as a mild sedative for anxiety because I can't take benzodiazepines also because of suicidality. So my range of meds I can take are very limited. BuSpar is in it's own class called anxiolytics. I do good with that one. I tried propanolol which is a beta blocker blood pressure medication used for off label anxiety and it caused me to have an asthma attack so that was a no go. I also tried Atarax which is an allergy medication and it didn't do anything good or bad. My next medication to try is for OCD and that is Namenda, which is actually designed for dementia patients. There is an off label use for treatment resistant OCD and I'm going to be starting that one soon. The list of stuff I haven't tried or classes of medications I can take are dwindling fast. Namenda is one of the last ones I can try that I haven't done yet. I'm really hoping for some relief. I have OCPD too, which is often comorbid with OCD. Slightly different sides of the same coin basically. Basically I tend to fixate on things and can't redirect my mind off of them.

[FreyFollower]

Thinking of you, WF, and hoping they will soon find the right mix to work for you!:heart:

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, FF!

[Elle81]

Unfortunately I don't get along with any SSRIs - which is what Zoloft is. I've tried SSRIs which actually cause me to become suicidal, and I've tried tricyclic and MAOIs which did nothing for me. SNRIs are the best thing for me and that's what Effexor is. I also do well with Remeron which is in its own class of medication called NASSA's. I also don't do well with the anticonvulsant/antiseizure medications or the newer atypical antipsychotic meds. The older typical antipsychotic meds like Haldol are ok and I don't use them for that but rather as a mild sedative for anxiety because I can't take benzodiazepines also because of suicidality. So my range of meds I can take are very limited. BuSpar is in it's own class called anxiolytics. I do good with that one. I tried propanolol which is a beta blocker blood pressure medication used for off label anxiety and it caused me to have an asthma attack so that was a no go. I also tried Atarax which is an allergy medication and it didn't do anything good or bad. My next medication to try is for OCD and that is Namenda, which is actually designed for dementia patients. There is an off label use for treatment resistant OCD and I'm going to be starting that one soon. The list of stuff I haven't tried or classes of medications I can take are dwindling fast. Namenda is one of the last ones I can try that I haven't done yet. I'm really hoping for some relief. I have OCPD too, which is often comorbid with OCD. Slightly different sides of the same coin basically. Basically I tend to fixate on things and can't redirect my mind off of them.
Good luck, dude! :grouphug:

[Elle81]

Yesterday was a such bad day.

First, to start the day off, I woke up in a sweat from a horrible nightmare about my former roommates. Then I had gone to the store to buy some sprouts for the hotel christmas party and the store did not have the brand I had got last time. And so then I get back to the hotel and relaxed for a bit. Unfortunately I had forgotten that the public transit system had switched the times for the busses and I ended up being 30 minutes late for work. I texted my boss because I figured it was the right thing to do. He asked if this is going to be a common thing. I was hurt by that comment because I am rarely ever late. So then I get to the University for the basketball game that I was working, just to find out that we were grossly overstaffed. So in all honesty it wouldn't have hurt them if I was late. Me being there was not a dire need. Then when I got back to the hotel, I find out that our rent is getting raised due to a high electric bill. When last month, we got notices on all kitchens and bathrooms to leave the lights on constantly. And now the church that runs this hotel is penalizing us for their actions.

It just seems like too much all at once. I am in tears, just trying to hold it all together. I think I just need to go back home to California. I have work later today and I'm going to listen to some music to try and calm me down before I go.

[WalshFan88]

I'm so sorry to hear this Elle. My best wishes to you.

[Elle81]

I'm so sorry to hear this Elle. My best wishes to you.

Thanks, dude. The day actually did get better. I worked a DisneyJR performance at U of U's Kingsbury Hall and it was so fun watching these little kids go crazy for Spiderman, Doc Mcstuffins, and of course mickey mouse.

[MarthaJo56]

I used to be really chatty here, but life has kind of gotten in the way. I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately.

For the past few months, we've been talking and researching and have decided , that after being back in California for 5 years, it's time to move back to Vermont. Our daughter is there, and is going through some stuff. She has a great husband, but needs her Mom & Dad.
We're going to buy a house because rents are so high everywhere. This will be only the 2nd house we have ever bought. The first one was over 30 years ago!!
Our living situatiion right now is really no bueno. We are renting from my sister and are isolated in the desert. The closest affordable grocery store is over an hour away. The dust storms are awful and the water is poisoned with arsenic.
But it's for real now. We put a deposit down for the movers who will be coming on May 26th.
Thankfully, we'll be able to see Raincross Drive one more time in February and say goodbye to friends. :o
We love California. It is our true home, but we just can't anymore. We can check out anytime, but we can never leave...and never will. :heart::heart:

[FreyFollower]

Hey, MJ, good to hear from you! I understand how your decision was difficult. But if you feel moving is something you need to do, I don't think you'll regret doing so. I hope your daughter's difficulties are soon resolved, and you can simply enjoy one another.:grouphug:
Although not the best circumstances; due to your current living arrangement, etc., certainly there will be many ways the move will be a blessing to you.
So glad you'll get to see your bud, Kelly, and his band again, and say goodbye to friends. You never know, your road may lead back to California someday!
I hope your ticker is doing well now! Better get checked before the arduous trip cross country! Let us hear from you!

[Ive always been a dreamer]

MJ - ditto to everything FF said. Hope your move goes smoothly and keep us posted.

[sodascouts]

Sorry for the late reply, MJ, but best wishes on your move. I just visited California over Christmas break and woah, is it crazy expensive there! I'm sure your daughter will be so glad you have you closer. Good luck in Vermont!

[New Kid In Town]

MJ - good luck on your move. I am sure things will work out. I know how crazy expensive it is in Cali. I have cousins who live there and a couple have moved(Texas & Az.) because it is so expensive there. I am happy to hear you will be able to see RD one more time before you move. I have been to Vermont and it is a beautiful state. Good luck on the move and take care. Let us know how things work out.

[groupie2686]

Good luck with the move MJ! I know a lot of people who have moved to my area from CA and other west coast states because it's so expensive there.

I'm sorry I haven't been on here much. I sprained my wrist right before Thanksgiving and between that and the tendonitis in my arm that I already had, typing or using the phone is really painful. Its my right wrist & arm and I'm right handed, so it's hard to not be using it. A day of computer use at work is so painful at the end of the day, so I try not to use a computer or phone as much as possible the rest of the time. It's an injury to the tfcc, has anyone had an experience with that? I've been told it takes several months to heal.

[New Kid In Town]

Hi Groupie - I am so sorry to hear about your sprained wrist. Wishing you a quick recovery.
I sprained my left wrist years ago and it took forever to heal. I had to use a wrist brace and it was difficult to type all day long. I have CTS in both wrists and was supposed to have the surgery for my left hand and than Covid hit and the surgery was called off. I have had tennis elbow for years(left elbow) and that hurts like hell when it acts up. I have to use the elbow brace then. Jezz, it sucks getting older !

[Ive always been a dreamer]

About 8 - 10 years ago, I was having problems with a very painful right knee, a bone spur at the back of my heel, and, also, my wrists and arms. After several treatments and cortisone shots, I was told that surgery was my last resort. I went home and did some research and found that physical therapy might be an option. When I asked the orthopedist about it, his exact words were "Well, we can try it out and see." So that's what I did - it took several months of therapy, but by strengthening my muscles, it eventually worked. I still do some of the exercises I learned in therapy to this day and have remained pain-free ever since. Definitely worth checking out. It sure made a believer out of me.

[groupie2686]

Thanks, all! I've been to physical therapy for my arm tendonitis but I might have to go for my wrist too. I was told not to move my wrist but how do you not do that - so many every day things like doing dishes, turning door knobs, clearing snow off my car, etc can make it flare up again just when it starts to feel better. It's so frustrating!

[WalshFan88]

MJ - best of luck with the move! Good to see you.

Groupie - so sorry to hear about your wrist. As someone who is no stranger to health issues I sympathize with you. They can take it out of you.

[groupie2686]

Thank you, WF. It certainly hasn't been easy!

[Glennsallnighter]

Hope everyone is keeping well. We are in the last few weeks of our school tem here in Ireland and looking forward to the summer holidays. It has been a very busy year but on a positive note I got 2 promotions (nothing for 25 years then 2 almost together. I hope everyone is living their best life out there! Love to you all.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Glad you checked in GA. And a huge congrats on your promotions. Now go and enjoy your summer!

[FreyFollower]

Congrats, GA! I'm glad they finally realized your worth!:applause:

Congratulations also to all graduating this month!:thumbsup:

[WalshFan88]

Congrats GA. I'm happy for you. Hope you are well!

[WalshFan88]

Just an update on me. Things have been going mostly ok around here.

My dad had hip replacements, one in January and one at the beginning of this month. He is doing well. Probably not too many sons beat their dad to getting their hips replaced but I had both of mine done in 2015, one in August and one in November. What's even better is we both had the same surgeon. The surgeon told us while he had done hips in really young people (I was 27), he had never done the son before the dad! :hilarious: I'm used to being the outlier though when it comes to medical issues. Such is the life of living with rare conditions.

My mental health struggles have been picking back up but that's to be expected. I tend to ebb and flow between feeling pretty happy and not so happy. Right now I'm the latter but I'm still seeking newer treatments and have had mixed results. My physical health is kind of a mess also. My neck has really been hurting me the last couple years and in the last year my range of motion has really gone downhill so I had an MRI which showed a lot of issues so I'm seeing a spine surgeon in August to talk about options. Of course that stuff compounds the mental health struggles.

I'm really needing a vacation or getaway and to get back to more things. While no longer staying at home whenever possible, I'm still not up to my usual activities post-pandemic. I really need to get back with the guys and play some live shows again. I know they have been playing again for about a year now and I just need to get my head on straight about doing it again and rejoin them. I also need to just play more guitar period. I feel like even during the stay at home phase of COVID from 2020-2021, I wasn't playing as much guitar and I should have been by myself. I mean I was at home that entire time with nothing else to do but rather I binged Netflix and was on my computer and I just need to get my chops back up and shake the rust off. Learn some new songs, relearn songs I know, and just play. I did go with my grandparents to Florida in April and that was much needed. I still feel like I need to do more of that though to make up for lost time. :lol: I know I feel a lot safer now post-vaccine than I did so I need to be like Nike and just do it!

Hope everyone is doing well and is having a great summer!

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Yes Austin - PLEASE get back to playing music. I know how much you love it and I'm sure it will lift your spirits!

[WalshFan88]

Yes Austin - PLEASE get back to playing music. I know how much you love it and I'm sure it will lift your spirits!

Thank you, Dreamer! I know I need to do it.

[Elle81]

Hey all, long time no hear from.
First of all, I am so heartbroken over Randy's passing. I know, I know. He was old and his health has not been the best the past few years. But it still hurts.
At least he will live on in music and in the hearts of his friends, family, and fans.

So...
what's been going on with me?
I honestly do not remember the last time I was on here. so I'll just start at the top. The first few months of the year consisted of two things: snow and work. It snowed well into spring here, the last day being my birthday (of course). I got so sick of snow, that now that it's summer, I'm really trying not to complain about the heat. I've been working so much in the past couple of months, it's been crazy. Sadly I am not working Usana Amphitheatre this year because my company has been dropped by Live Nation, who runs the show there. Instead we have the Sandy Amphitheatre, which is cool, still have yet to work a shift there. The shifts get swooped up real quick. A big plus this year has been the addition of the Salt Lake Bees triple A baseball, (which is so much fun to work) and the RSL soccer games (which are ok, except last time I was there I nearly passed out from heat stroke!). I'd like to give a big middle finger to the person that suggested we switch from khaki to BLACK pants for our uniforms, not a smart idea in the summer heat.
On the home front, I'm still in the traditional housing hotel. I got a call a few days ago, from one of the apartments I had applied for back in early 2022. I asked them to keep me on their waitlist as I still don't feel quite confident about my credit score and my pay rate to try and apply just yet.

Health wise, my depression seems to be doing ok, the anxiety is not any better, though. Getting my meds is a constant struggle. And then back in June I not only severely pulled a muscle in my shoulder, but just two weeks before that, I sprained my ankle! Never had that happen before, so that was fun. :doh:
Thankfully, they don't hurt as bad anymore. I have been having memory loss episodes that has me scared. I talked to my therapist about it and he thinks it might be medication related. So he said if it doesn't get better by the next time we meet, he will give me suggestions about how to deal with it. I see him in a week or so, so we shall see.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my Grandma's death, and today she would've turned 92. So that has been weighing heavily on my mind. I still feel guilty about not having visited her more.
My sister is having issues with her boyfriend, so there is a steady stream of drama from back in California, getting messaged to me on Facebook. I was always the voice of reason growing up, and apparently still am.

If you've made it this far, Congratulations! You get a cookie!
Just kidding. Hope I made y'all smile on this sad day.
:grouphug:

[AlreadyGone95]

Hey everyone,

I'm still working the library job I got immediately after graduating from college. I'm about to apply to another county library tomorrow to work part-time there while continuing my current job (the hours will line up well, and I was informed of the position before they made it public). If I get it, I'll be working around 32 hours a week.

I also applied to graduate school at 2 different universities in state. I got into both, but my health and finances/lack of funding prevented me from attending this upcoming year. I'm currently undergoing immunoglobulin infusions to help me stay healthy, so I can eventually further my education and work full-time. Hopefully, I'll get this other job, so I can start saving for the cost of attendance to other schools.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Good to hear from you, AG. Congrats on your college graduation and I hope you can continue to pursue your dreams.

[WalshFan88]

Elle - Good to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma. Medications can be such a struggle. I'm personally trying some new things and I'm not having a lot of luck myself. I think the next step for me is intranasal ketamine called Spravato. I've felt suicidal off and on all year and I'm going to a new doctor. The problem is I've been on every medication as of my last med I tried so I've either had no results, mixed results, or bad reactions where it's worse. Spravato is the last thing I can try before going down the path of electroconvulsive therapy and I really don't want to do that if I can help it because of the real possibility of retrograde memory loss. Unfortunately therapy hasn't done anything for me other than give me a place to vent. Actual therapy targeted at helping has done nothing so now my appts are just an hour to decompress and vent and put my feelings onto someone else. I don't envy my therapist, lol.

AG - Good to hear from you as well! Congrats on the graduation and best of luck with your IVIG treatments!

[FreyFollower]

Sorry I am so late responding, but much has me tied up these days!
Congrats, AG, and good luck on your future endeavors!
Elle, I hope that things are starting to look up for you!
WF, I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties you have been facing. Music is good for whatever ails a person, and I hope you can work it in more often.:guitar:
I encourage you to keep fighting to find the help you need, I believe it's out there. Remember there will be brighter days ahead, and reasons to be hopeful despite current circumstance. I believe in you!:nod:

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, FF.

[WalshFan88]

Hi everyone.

Bit of an update on my situation. Unfortunately Spravato/Ketamine did not work for me. I actually am currently going through TMS which is transcranial magnetic stimulation. It's the next to last stop before committing to shock therapy. Unfortunately so far TMS has not seemed to make a difference. I have one more month of it and then if I'm still not better they want me to start ECT. TMS was something that I didn't even know about until I switched psychiatrists and went to a bigger clinic. Ketamine and TMS are two of the last three big treatments for treatment-resistant depression. I'm all but sure I will be doing ECT come December. I'm really afraid of the memory issues people can have but I'm told they have improved it since what you saw of it in movies and such and it's not a barbaric punishment for out of control hospitalized patients like you see in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. You go under general anesthesia every time so you aren't even aware of what's going on which for me as someone with anxiety is a blessing.

[FreyFollower]

Wishing you the best in finding what works for your issues, WF. Goodness knows how all treatments have improved in 40+years! Hang in there, new advances happen all the time. Each treatment that doesn't correct things just brings you one step closer to one that will! Praying "No More Cloudy Days" for you!:heart:

[WalshFan88]

Wishing you the best in finding what works for your issues, WF. Goodness knows how all treatments have improved in 40+years! Hang in there, new advances happen all the time. Each treatment that doesn't correct things just brings you one step closer to one that will! Praying "No More Cloudy Days" for you!:heart:

Thank you, FF.

I’m definitely failing the TMS and ECT is the next logical choice. I’ll take it one treatment at a time.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

We are all pulling for you, Austin. Best of luck and, hopefully, you can find the right treatment. And you are right, medicine has come a long way in the last few decades. :hug:

[WalshFan88]

Thanks Dreamer.

While it wasn't my first or fourteenth choice, the time has come and I will in fact start ECT next month. I don't want to be in a situation where I have to choose between ending my pain and devastating my family or continuing my pain and being miserable for the rest of my life. I credit the Eagles with saving my life in 2007 and getting me to play guitar which helped for many years. Sadly I'm in need of a second miracle that I don't think will come. I really don't want my last memory to be knowing the intense pain I will cause my mom and dad but unfortunately that's exactly where we are headed. The hospitalization last month was rough. It told me it's time to swing for the fences and try things I didn't really want to try. It's hopefully going to be a lifesaving decision. I'm really worried about the memory loss but it is what it is. I tried Ketamine and TMS.

[groupie2686]

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through, WF. I'm keeping you in my thoughts!

[WalshFan88]

Thanks, groupie!

I go for my first treatment next week. I'm awfully nervous but I know it may be the only thing to keep me alive at this point other than not wanting to hurt my family but I'm afraid that may soon not be enough. It's time to be open to anything that might help. :heart:

[Elle81]

Hey Everyone! Life has been busy and crazy and just down right strange.I will get on tomorrow and say more about what's been going on. But for now, I just had to get on here and say Happy New Year! Let's make 2024 an awesome year!

[Glennsallnighter]

Thanks, groupie!

I go for my first treatment next week. I'm awfully nervous but I know it may be the only thing to keep me alive at this point other than not wanting to hurt my family but I'm afraid that may soon not be enough. It's time to be open to anything that might help. :heart:

Austin I hope you got on ok. We are thinking of you and your struggles.

[WalshFan88]

Austin I hope you got on ok. We are thinking of you and your struggles.

Thank you so much, GA. I'm hanging in there.

[Glennsallnighter]

Glad to hear that you are Austin, I was worried about you! Take care of yourself.

[WalshFan88]

Hey everybody. It's been a bit since my last update.

The first set of ECT treatments are now over and I feel like they were slightly helpful. I had unipolar ECT which was supposed to mean less retrograde amnesia which is a medical term for memory loss of past events. I can say while I did have some significant temporary brain fog I can't think of anything where I'm still hazy on remembering and my family can't find anything either. It was honestly the biggest hurdle to get me to agree to it and I went into it knowing that if the unipolar ECT (one side of the head only) failed to improve my depression, I would have to go with bipolar ECT (both sides of the head, not bipolar disorder) which unfortunately does tend to really affect memory. Unfortunately that time has come where I feel like I need to take the next step to try the bipolar ECT. There is a kind of stimulation called ultrabrief pulse that we did with the one sided unipolar shocks that is also there to prevent memory loss. They want me to do bipolar both sides shock therapy to see if it is more effective. I put this on hold because of what I'll get into below.

I've had some issues with my neck and arm/hand giving me fits since January of 2023 and after an MRI and "shopping around" for surgeons I finally had surgery last month to fix my hand weakness. It was keeping me from playing guitar, opening the lid on a bottle of pop, just about everything. It was my left non-dominant hand but it was still very problematic. I can say I did really well with the ACDF and am now pretty much done with the neck saga and can focus on getting back to my mental health treatment. The weakness in my left hand and tricep is all but gone and getting better every day. For being a major surgery I breezed through it.

After a lot of thought and the concern that I'm still feeling chronically suicidal I have agreed to a trial of bipolar traditional ECT where the shock isn't just on one side of the head but both. I don't want to have memory loss, but I'm concerned that if I don't start feeling a lot better I might be in a really bad spot where I have to make a choice that I don't want to make. If I lose some memory but it helps, it's a major tradeoff but might be one that saves my life. I don't want to hurt my family. If I didn't have them it would be the easiest choice just to end all the pain but the fact is I do not want to hurt them and so I'm trying like hell to get better and am doing things that I had once told the doctor I was dead set against. I feel like the unipolar ECT just didn't last. It was a bit of a bandaid that allowed me to keep pushing on and then shift focus temporarily to my physical health and then now I'm back to where I was before I tried it. It has been a big disappointment. My biggest fear is that because this is the last line of defense, if it fails, it will be the end of my options and then it just comes down to how long I can tolerate things and making as much of an effort as I can for as long as I can but ultimately knowing I will reach my breaking point sooner than later. It's exhausting to think about.

I take things day by day and am just doing the best I can. But I'm still hanging on and that counts for something.

Thanks to everyone for your concern and kind words.

[FreyFollower]

WF, I'm glad that you were able to take care of your neck/arm ailments. The rest has been a rough series of of trials for you, and I am so sorry you have had such an ordeal. Please continue the tough fight to endure until you find the right treatment. I believe that there are better days ahead for you! Keep a network of friends/family/988/and prayer in mind when things get tough, and know there are people who love you who want to see you through to recovery. On this Easter, remember that all seemed lost, but 3 days later, Christ arose in victory to save us all! Keep the faith, Austin, we care, love, and believe in you!:heart:

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, FF.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Austin - I echo every word that FF wrote. I am sorry I'm so late in responding, but we are praying that you will continue to seek the treatment you need until you are well. I know that you are struggling, but, hopefully, you can find the strength you need to recover.

[WalshFan88]

Thanks, Dreamer.

I've got my first appointment for bilateral/bipolar ECT at the end of the month so we'll see how that goes. I'm kind of running out of options but I'm still hoping for the best. I will be doing a 4 treatment system and then will reevaluate effectiveness after that.

[chaim]

I hardly ever visit this side of the forum, so I've missed all this. A lot of what Austin wrote was too much for my English skills, but the main points, I believe, I get. You are a brave, stong and considerate (as can be seen in the way you mentioned your fanily) man. Love from Finland.

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, Chaim. That means a lot.

[WalshFan88]

I had my first bilateral/bipolar ECT treatment Monday and I'm doing ok. I did have some serious brain fog yesterday but that is to be expected and things are a little hazy right before my treatment. I also started Auvelity which is a newer novel antidepressant that acts similarly to Ketamine or Spravato. I didn't respond to Ketamine, TMS, and unilateral/unipolar ECT but they wanted me to try it anyway and see if it will help.

I'm just hoping for a last ditch effort because I've been told if this traditional ECT approach doesn't work I am basically out of options and then it comes down to perseverance as long as I can stand it and a hope that one day things will "magically" be better which I know they won't be. And once that clock starts I'm not sure how much I have left in me but I will give it all that I can for my family. I haven't been this low for this long.

In other news, my grandparents (grandma/stepgrandpa) are getting ready to sell their Florida home and have asked me to fly down one last time before they sell it and knowing how fragile things are, I absolutely wanted to do that with them so I will be going to Florida next month after I complete my treatments. It won't be a fix but I'm hoping to put a smile on my face for them and try to have a good time in nice weather.

[sodascouts]

Thanks for the update, Austin. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with so much. I hope things start looking up soon. We love you!

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, Soda. It means a lot. :heart:

-----

I wanted to give a bit of an update. I am almost done with my round of traditonal bilateral ECT. I ended up not being able to take Auvelity because of insomnia so they discontinued that med. I have to say I am not that much better than before I'm afraid and I'm told there are no other treatments. So now it's just taking each day as it comes and holding on for as long as I can. I've been in the hospital for this already so that won't do anything other than make me feel like more of a burden to my folks and more alone. I hope a miracle out of the blue happens or some new treatment comes available but until then I'm just trying to hang onto life.

[WalshFan88]

So I have finished my round of bilateral ECT and I'm no better than I was before. But my doctor told me about another center that does an implant in the body to stimulate the vagus nerve to help with depression. It's called VNS or vagal nerve stimulation. Insurance has juat approved me and I will be setting a date soon to have it put in and then another date to turn it on and see if it helps. It's literally my last option and I know I can't sustain what I feel now for much longer so for my family's sake I hope this works. It has been recently approved for being a last line of defense and has some pretty good research backing it. I will keep you all posted.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Best of luck with this, Austin. Ypu know your Border friends are pulling for you to get better.

[WalshFan88]

Thanks Dreamer.

I set a date yesterday and I go July 17th to have the VNS system installed and I go 2 days later to have it turned on in the office and set the strength of it. We will see how it goes. I'm hoping for a miracle.

[sodascouts]

Thanks Dreamer.

I set a date yesterday and I go July 17th to have the VNS system installed and I go 2 days later to have it turned on in the office and set the strength of it. We will see how it goes. I'm hoping for a miracle.
I’ll be praying for you!

[FreyFollower]

I am dealing with a lot with my elderly mother, and haven't been on much.
Austin, No matter hard things may get, I guarantee your loved ones do not consider you a burden, any more than you would consider them one if your situations were reversed. ":hug:Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things". You're a fighter, or you never would have made it till now. You have reserves you don't know you have. I pray "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind". Stay strong, we love you!:grouphug: :heart::heart::heart:

[WalshFan88]

Thank you guys.

It is so hard to keep up a facade of being more ok than you are. Obviously my folks know I'm struggling but I still have to play this role of the happy cheerful guy for extended family and friends....and my parents don't know the full extent either. It's tough. It makes me that much more tired but I don't want to worry them any more than I already am.

[groupie2686]

I haven't been on here in a while, I have nerve issues in my arm that makes using a computer or phone really hard after being on a computer at work all day.

Austin I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. We're all pulling for you!

[shunlvswx]

Dealing with a lot. I lost dad on July 4th and at this moment. I don’t know how I feel. I really wasn’t close to my dad for many years and part of me wish I had that chance to talk to him again. I always dreaded getting a call from my stepmom saying he had passed. My half brother tried getting me to call him last year. I tried a couple of times and never got a response each time. So I gave up.

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, groupie. Sorry to hear about the nerve in your arm. I know what that's like. I'm glad the neck surgery took care of mine. It really sucks.

Shun, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[FreyFollower]

Dealing with a lot. I lost dad on July 4th and at this moment. I don’t know how I feel. I really wasn’t close to my dad for many years and part of me wish I had that chance to talk to him again. I always dreaded getting a call from my stepmom saying he had passed. My half brother tried getting me to call him last year. I tried a couple of times and never got a response each time. So I gave up.

Oh, Shun! I am so sorry about the loss of your dad! Although your relationship was complicated, it is such a hard thing to lose a parent, and what might have been. Prayers for you and your family.

[WalshFan88]

Hey everybody, just letting you all know I did well with the procedure. I was partially incorrect. I had not only a VNS (vagal nerve) but also a DBS (deep brain) stimulator placed at the same time. I thought it was one or the other. Anywho, what I can say is that it might be too early to call but I think I am starting to feel better. Today I was laughing with family for the first time in a long long time. If it stays consistent and doesn't just dissipate a week later like everything else did and gets even better this will have been worth all the heartache holding strong while I tried so many different things. I'm a bit of a pessimist by nature or at least a skeptic but I think this might be working so I'm holding hope that it will but I have to be prepared for anything.

[FreyFollower]

Oh, I'm so glad for you, Austin!:blueblob: I pray that this is the answer you have been looking for!!! Enjoy this time with your family and know that there are further developments to come!:hug: Hang in there and Rock On!:guitar:

[WalshFan88]

Just an update for everyone -

I've been doing a lot better with the nerve stimulator. I still have blah days but overall I'm happier most days and that dark cloud of suicidal thoughts has been completely lifted which is wonderful.

I'm still going to take it as it comes but I'm hopeful for the future and consider myself lucky to have made it through this because I was truly close to ending it all.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

So happy to hear about your progress, Austin. We should never underestimate the power of positive thinking. Hang in there and keep focusing on taking care of yourself. :hug:

[FreyFollower]

Just an update for everyone -

I've been doing a lot better with the nerve stimulator. I still have blah days but overall I'm happier most days and that dark cloud of suicidal thoughts has been completely lifted which is wonderful.

I'm still going to take it as it comes but I'm hopeful for the future and consider myself lucky to have made it through this because I was truly close to ending it all.


I am so thankful and thrilled with your progress, Austin! Onward and upward, and don't look back! Every day is a new day to start your life over, and nothing is impossible! We can forget in the darkest night, that the sun is always shining, and will shine on us again, thank God! :hug:

[WalshFan88]

Hey everyone. I'd thought I'd give an update on how I'm doing.

I'm doing pretty good from a depression standpoint. I'm not suicidal, and I'm not completely washed out and lifeless. The DBS was a gamechanger for me and more importantly a livesaver. However, my anxiety is still very much a problem and trying to get it regulated is a problem. It's nothing new, it was this bad before the DBS, it's just that it's had no effect on lowering my anxiety, not sure if it's a little worse or the same. I think a lot of it is based on real life experiences. I have a lot of fears about the world and country now, my family, my own health, and it's IMO based in reality rather than just random fears or imagined wild scenarios.

It's exhausting but it's also time-consuming. I worry about my worries. I think the past 4-5 years have not been good ones for me. It started in 2019 and I've been on a rough ride since then. I think because so many bad things happened in my life in a two year span from 2019-2021 that it really started the cascade of mental health decline. I've always had depression and anxiety and OCD, but that put it to an extreme I didn't know existed. I'm just glad that I'm not down and out anymore and my family doesn't have to worry about losing me. I will keep trying new meds for anxiety. I've done therapy of various types for years with no response. I'm a rigid old bird. Meds are my only hope. Autism Spectrum Disorder, OCPD, and OCD make me pretty stuck in a thinking loop and I've been on this planet for 36 years. Some things you just can't change this late in the game (even though I started therapy when I was in my late teens). Couple that with being severly anxious and stuck in fight-or-flight mode 24/7 and just getting over incapacitating depression and it's just not possible to fix me at this point and re-train my brain. All I can do is manage my symptoms and follow coping strategies and try novel treatments that come out with time. But at least I'm a lot better.

[Ive always been a dreamer]

I'm so happy to hear about your progress, Austin. Never stop working on yourself. You're worth it!

[WalshFan88]

Thank you, Dreamer.

[AlreadyGone95]

Hi everybody.

It's been a long time since I posted. Life has been crazy. I just got a job promotion. I'm now branch manager of the library I've been working at the past 3 years. Hope every is doing well, and that the U.S. members have a Happy Thanksgiving.

[WalshFan88]

Congrats, AG!

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Good to hear from you, AG, and a BIG congratulations to you on your promotion!

[Elle81]

Hi everyone! It's been such a crazy year.

In January I realized that I had feelings for my neighbor. I told him and we tried to date, but in the end I wasn't clingy enough for him. ...so he basically stomped on my heart.

Work was super slow, so I wasn't able to pay rent in full for like three months straight. So I lost my housing. In May, I rented a room from a guy on this Facebook rental group, which failed in fantastic fashion. Stayed at a few co-workers houses. But eventually I was homeless. In July I did a LOT of soul searching and decided to go back home to California permanently. So I got some help from a church program and was able to leave. However, all my things were still in Salt Lake. So I had to come back and get them. So in September I went and was able to, with a little help from my California friends, bring all my things home.
So now I am just trying to find a job here that is similar to the event security job I had in Utah.

So yeah. So done with this year.
Bring it on, 2025. I'm ready.

[WalshFan88]

I'm sorry to hear of all your trouble with jobs and also your neighbor, Elle. Fingers crossed on the job search and I wish you best of luck. It sounds like moving back was a good choice for you.

Personally, I have *totally* given up on trying to bring someone into my life. After an entire childhood from Pre-K to High School of being an outcast and being bullied I have not much of a stable self-image. I am also not a conventionally masculine guy. I mean I like some things most men do, but not all of them. I kinda beat to the sound of my own drum and don't fit gender roles. A stoic ripped lumberjack with charm I am not. :lol: I also have major trust issues with people and I'd rather just not get involved at this point in my life. Do I get lonely sometimes, absolutely. But I was dealt an unfair hand and I've learned it's easier to accept your fate, flip the bird to "the man" for putting me into this life, and go down my own path with family who love me and don't care that I'm *different* or that I cannot provide what most men can. I realize I will likely outlive the family that cares about me and have no friends, and when that happens I'll probably check out of this life but my family really are the main motivator for me to stick it out and in the words of REO Speedwagon - keep pushin' on! It's a combination of feeling comfortable being alone, with occasional times of where I wish things were different but I face the facts. But as I age I'm getting more comfortable with coming to terms with everything. When I was younger I really struggled with the terms of being forever alone and why I couldn't find someone, feeling unwanted, broken goods, etc. I was my own worst enemy. Once I realized it wasn't meant to be and learned to cope with it, the more I liked being a hermit crab after all. I can't break my own heart. And I have learned to fill some of that void with online communication where it's a keep-you-at-a-distance way to connect.

-----

I just had lower back spinal surgery on Friday. I had a L5-S1 Laminectomy for foraminal stenosis. In one year I've had a neck fusion, a lower back procedure, and then the nerve stimulators for depression. It's been a lot.

[Elle81]

I'm sorry to hear of all your trouble with jobs and also your neighbor, Elle. Fingers crossed on the job search and I wish you best of luck. It sounds like moving back was a good choice for you.

Personally, I have *totally* given up on trying to bring someone into my life. After an entire childhood from Pre-K to High School of being an outcast and being bullied I have not much of a stable self-image. I am also not a conventionally masculine guy. I mean I like some things most men do, but not all of them. I kinda beat to the sound of my own drum and don't fit gender roles. A stoic ripped lumberjack with charm I am not. :lol: I also have major trust issues with people and I'd rather just not get involved at this point in my life. Do I get lonely sometimes, absolutely. But I was dealt an unfair hand and I've learned it's easier to accept your fate, flip the bird to "the man" for putting me into this life, and go down my own path with family who love me and don't care that I'm *different* or that I cannot provide what most men can. I realize I will likely outlive the family that cares about me and have no friends, and when that happens I'll probably check out of this life but my family really are the main motivator for me to stick it out and in the words of REO Speedwagon - keep pushin' on! It's a combination of feeling comfortable being alone, with occasional times of where I wish things were different but I face the facts. But as I age I'm getting more comfortable with coming to terms with everything. When I was younger I really struggled with the terms of being forever alone and why I couldn't find someone, feeling unwanted, broken goods, etc. I was my own worst enemy. Once I realized it wasn't meant to be and learned to cope with it, the more I liked being a hermit crab after all. I can't break my own heart. And I have learned to fill some of that void with online communication where it's a keep-you-at-a-distance way to connect.

-----

I just had lower back spinal surgery on Friday. I had a L5-S1 Laminectomy for foraminal stenosis. In one year I've had a neck fusion, a lower back procedure, and then the nerve stimulators for depression. It's been a lot.


Thanks, I hope it was a good choice to come home. Although right now, family is driving me up the walls. *sigh* ah the holidays. LOL

I hope your recovery time is short and yeah, just like REO said, keep on rolling.

[WalshFan88]

Hey everyone, just a check in.

I had lumbar spine surgery in December. That means I had a neck and a back operation all in the same year. I hope 2025 is less eventful in that regard, lol. I am glad to be out of pain though so I can't complain. Mentally I'm in a better place. I hope that stays that way this year and in the upcoming couple years. I have a lot of fears, but I have a lot of gratitude that I'm fairly stable right now and those last ditch efforts have worked. Am I perfect, no, but I'm definitely safe and am starting to do things I had once stopped. I'm trying to get back on social media more and do things I had stopped doing as I started to struggle more. Now that I've exhausted all of my options, I just hope that this treatment will continue to work. I'm fearful but I will take every day given to me that I am not suicidal or completely miserable. I am definitely one who has been burned so I don't try to assume anything or go in with the idea something will work forever. It's better to wake up and live the day and do it again the next day. Every day since I've had the VNS placed has been a day I wouldn't have had.

[AzEaglesFan]

Wishing you good health and happiness in 2025.

[WalshFan88]

Thanks.

[groupie2686]

Wishing you the best and sending good thoughts your way, WalshFan. Hoping 2025 brings you better things.

[WalshFan88]

Been a bit since a check in.

I've been doing ok. No more surgeries or physical health scares. On the mental health side of things it's been a bit more of a challenge, having to increase the strength of the DBS and VNS. I'm doing pretty good now all things considered. I didn't think I would have made it this long, so that's a positive. I'm grateful I haven't had to resort to something that would hurt my family. While I've been outright betrayed or just ignored by so many in my life, they have stuck by me and been my only source of love, support, and care for my 37 years alive. I will continue trying to keep afloat and marching along as long as I can, hopefully until it's just me.

[FreyFollower]

I was so glad to hear from you, WalshFan! I"m glad your health has held steady. New meds are being developed all the time, so don't assume you will not have other options for your mental health. I think that writing might help you. Writing poetry helps me sort through things. There are internet platforms where you could share/help others with similar struggles. Also, you have considerable music/tech knowledge, and could start a blog. Even journaling could be something that could be beneficial.
I find myself at retirement age with no close friends, no parents to call on, no spouse to help with health issues, and no kids to help with challenges as I get older. But because of my faith in God, I know I am never alone, am always loved, always have someone to confide in, and have a beautiful forever to look forward to, no matter how crazy and bad life on earth gets. I know depression is a real, complicated medical condition you cannot simply "cheer up" from. But I want you to have peace that the Lord cares for you and knows you personally, down the number of hairs on your head; and will never betray or abandon you.
I wish only the best for you, health, happiness, and a bright future!:grouphug:

[Ive always been a dreamer]

Good to hear from both of you, WF and FF. I'm glad you posted to give an update on how things are going in your lives. Even though there is very little posting on the board now, it's good to keep in touch because there still are quite a few visitors that read the board. I am fully retired now but I'm managing to stay busy. I do quite a bit of volunteer work and always manage to have several projects that I'm juggling. I do miss all of the activity here that we once had, as well as, many of our great members. I have to admit, I'm not quite sure how to go about planning a virtual Border reunion. lol But, I'd love to hear from more of our members about what's going on in their lives whenever they check in for a visit. Even though things were never perfect here, we did have a fun thriving community of great devoted Eagles fans for quite a few years. The good news is, even though we are no longer a thriving community, we still have all of our Eagles devotion preserved here. I enjoy going back and reading some of the threads from time to time. Please continue to check in and update us from time to time.